Friday, March 30, 2007

Spring Break is Over!

Obviously the reasons I mourn the end of Spring Break have changed since last year. I'm not saddened by the prospect of returning the to routine of classes, papers and finals, rather it is the end of peace and calm that befalls westwood when the kids go away to play that I will truly miss.

Gone will be the quiet streets, easily acquired parking spots and undisturbed sleep as the rabble of thursday night parties, friday night parties and...saturday night parties will return to bring westwood back to life.

I'm not selfish, I know that the village thrives because of UCLA students. The constant ebb and flow of each incoming and graduating class make this small community what it is.

But that doesn't mean I can't delight in having it all to myself every once in awhile.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

It's almost Easter!

Which means my meats and sweets abstinence is almost over!

I remember when Lent first started it was girl scout season and I was so sad that I wouldn't be able to indulge in my Samoa obsession, thankfully my mother bought me a box which is now hiding, in a plastic bag in my cupboard until April 8th when they will be inevitably devoured in one sitting.

If you share my love for Girl Scout cookies you have to listen to this clip from NPR, "Finding Binge Absolution in a Do-Si-Do" about a fellow Girl Scout cookie fanatic and his shameful binging on the beloved treats. It's truly funny and you'll find yourself shouting, "That's me!" while listening to it.

Monday, March 26, 2007

The Onion's Hilarious Headline

I mean...awful headline.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Amy Winehouse...again sorry

Not to be Winehouse-heavy but her album is doing extremely well here in the states.

She did have to cancel her show at Spaceland, but unlike the other shows she canceled it was supposedly because the venue couldn't accomodate her large back-up band.

Anywho--Her album "Back to Black" is currently #7 on the Billboard chart AND its now only $8.99 at Borders with this coupon. Not that i'm trying to promote her or anything but I like her a lot.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Happy St. Patricks Day!

I love St. Patricks Day, not just because it's an excuse to drink Bushmills and Guinness, not because it gives me the chance to blast flogging molly or brag of my Irish ancestry. Simply because I get to wear my favorite color in abundance. That'd be green of course!

I went down to San Diego to visit with Britta, Ausra and Ruth and below are pictures of our exploits on the town.

We made t-shirts to celebrate the holiday. Mine said "Erin go Bragh," which of course no one knew the meaning of.

Britta's "Who's Yer Paddy," was definitely a hit, but Ausra's 0% Irish, 0.08% Guinness was probably the most popular of the night--Thanks to Britta's brilliant marketing mind of course.

It was really great to see the original Dykstra Hall group together again, hopefully it won't be years until the next time. We realized when we were hanging out that we'd known eachother for 5+ years! Its truly crazy to think about. Ruth, Tash, Auj don't feel excluded. I have plenty of then and now pictures of you guys as well.

left: Ausra, Britta and I at SAE's Haunted, October 2002

right: Ausra, me and Britta in front of Beach Break Cafe, San Diego March 2007

Alas another St. Patricks day has come and gone and I'll have to wait a whole year to show my Irish pride. Until then, I'll just have to dig out my copy of The Quiet Man and dream of Innisfree.

Erin go Bragh!

And remember, NO Paddy Fingers!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

I told you so!

The LAist has caught my Amy Winehouse fever!

You can read the rest of the review here, or you can see Amy in LA tomorrow at Spaceland. I was going to see her tonight at the Roxy, but I didn't want to drive out to sunset to find out she canceled.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Book Nerd Alert

Just a recap of the books I've read this March:

Boyan made me take a break from reading the Ender's Game series--so I read Howl's Moving Castle...I have quite a few left in the Orson Scott Card series (thank God) but after that I have a feeling I'll be reading a lot of Diane Wynne Jones.


Up next...

Monday, March 12, 2007

Floating Bed

I want one! I want one!!! This is the coolest thing ever.
Courtesy of FrostfirePulse

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Seven Brides for Seven Rapists

I have always had a love for musicals, and when I was younger I really LOVED the movie, "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers."

Thanks to TCM I was able to watch it again earlier this week and come to several new realizations about the film I had loved so much as a child.

A song came on before the boys went to go kidnap the seven girls from the main town, encouraging the boys to remember the Sabine "Sobbin,'" women and what the Romans did.

"Tell ya 'bout them sobbin' women
Who lived in the Roman days.
It seems that they all went swimmin'
While their men was off to graze.

Well, a Roman troop was ridin' by
And saw them in their "me oh my",
So they took 'em all back home to dry.
Least that's what Plutarch says.
Oh yes!

Them a woman was sobbin', sobbin', sobbin'
Fit to be tied.

Ev'ry muscle was throbbin', throbbin'
From that riotous ride.
Oh they cried and kissed and kissed and cried

All over that Roman countryside
So don't forget that when you're takin' a bride.
Sobbin' fit to be tied
From that riotous ride!

They never did return their plunder
The victor gets all the loot.

And you've never seens so,
They tell me, such downright domesticity.
With a Roman baby on each knee
Named 'Claudius' and 'Brute.'"
I was astonished--were they raising men to be rapists back in 1950? Yea sure the men get admonished later for kidnapping the girls, but even the kidnapped girls romanticize the Rape of the Sabine women, asking to be read the passage in the bible again and again so they could hear the story. I don't think it was a full blown case of Stockholm syndrome--but every time I watch an old movie it surprises me how much things have changed. This sort of reference in a modern movie would cause an uproar.

Amy Winehouse Has Crazy Hair

I don't care if she has a crazy bee hive on top of her head, the girl has soul.

Not everybody has her kind of talent.

Flex Your Hair

When I first saw this Ad on Adverblog I thought, "Wow that's so cool! I wish I could braid MY hair like that!"

Upon further investigation I noticed what it's really supposed to represent which is even cooler, (although they both do look like pony tails don't they?)

I thought this was extremely well done. I for one have ridiculously strong hair--I could pull a car with my ponytail the way they pull cars in the Worlds Strongest Man competition.

Not that I'm bragging or anything...

Friday, March 02, 2007

"Gavin Polone calling for Steven Spielberg"

I was doing an project for work--looking up bios when I stumbled across this hilarious recounting of a prank phone call between ex-United Talent Agency Agent Gavin Polone, Steven Spielberg, Michael Eisner and of course, the poor assistants who answer their phones.

If you have ever worked in any arena of the entertainment business (I answered an ex-CAA agent's phone for a little bit--its a lot of schmoozing and involves an entirely new lingo "So-and-so calling for so-and-so" etc.) this prank call will make you cry with laughter. If not you'll still laugh so hard you won't believe its true. It's long but worth it.

Cast of Characters:


prank calls and cold-blooded phone revenge
by Horton Lazario

It was time for another series of prank calls to my good friends over at the United Talent Agency, otherwise known as UTA. Gavin Polone, an agent and partner, had not returned my calls so naturally I figured a manners teaching lesson was due. My buddy Aaron and I talked over the game plan; then I called the main switchboard and asked for Polone’s office.

"Gavin Polone’s office," his assistant said.

"Yeah, Michael Eisner’s office calling for Gavin, is he in?" I said in just the right bored, nonchalant tone to authenticate the call.

"Uh, hold on, I’ll get him -- he’s in a meeting – let me interrupt him."

It took only a couple of seconds before Polone came on the line, "Michael, hi, what’s up?"

"Like you don’t know you scumbag, you," I snarled.

There was a long pause, then, "Excuse me?"

"Or should I say… soon to be Mr. ex-fucking scumbag agent," I hissed.

"Whoa, whoa, wait a minute..." he said.

"Don’t you ever interrupt me again you pathetic little piss ant, do you know who you’re talking to here? Well do you?" I was beginning to shout.

"Yes, Michael Eisner."

"Fucking-A right -- Now, knock it off all your bullshit!" I yelled into the receiver.

"Knock what --" CLICK. I hung up on him. That's the secret of good prank calls, you hang up on them and act like they are intruding on you.

Now before he could regroup I beat him to the punch and called Michael Eisner’s office.

"Michael in? It’s Gavin Polone."

"He’s in a meeting. May I have him get back to you?" Eisner’s very nice assistant said.

"Perhaps you can help me... some son of a bitch is impersonating me and I have reason to believe he’ll be calling in a few minutes -- best thing to do is just hang up on him. I think he might be dangerous," I added.

"Jesus... just what we need after this Katzenberg crap"

"Well, I just wanted to let you know. Michael doesn’t have to call me back."

"Thanks, Gavin." Eisner’s assistant was nice.

We waited about five minutes then called Gavin Polone’s office again.

"Michael Eisner for Gavin," I said.

"Why’d you hang up on us? Why’d you say those things?" Polone’s assistant was confused.

"It must have been some screw-up with the phones," I reassured him.

"Jesus, what’s going on over there? Gavin’s rip-shit, he’s ready to tear me a new asshole." I felt sorry for him, but it couldn’t be helped.

"Well, Michael will take his call now."

As soon as he put us on hold we conference called Steven Spielberg’s office.

"Steven Spielberg’s office..." his assistant, Robert, answered.

"Please hold for Michael Eisner and Gavin Polone." I said.

"You’ve got to be kidding, what is this, a prank call?" he asked. Then he put us on hold.

Just then Gavin Polone picked up.

"Michael, what’s going on?" Polone said.

"I’m so sorry Gavin, that bastard Katzenberg has me crazy these days. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH MONEY $250,000,000 IS?" I yelled.

"It’s okay, I understand," Polone said, accepting my apology.

"You? You understand? You?" I questioned.

"Well yes, I think I do, sure." he was backpedaling.

"Well FUCK YOU! I don’t need you’re self righteous crummy cocksucking pity -- I’ll run this studio myself if I have to!" I screamed.

"Guys, guys, slow down, what’s going on?" It was Steven Spielberg.

"Who’s that?" Polone questioned in a riled up, snotty tone.

"Well who’s this?" Spielberg shot back.

"It’s Gavin Polone, who’s this?" Polone quipped.

"It’s Steven..."

"Steven who?" Polone snapped.


"Yeah right, and I’m Babe fuckin’ Ruth. Okay, I get it, Michael Eisner, Steven Spielberg, this is a practical joke... very funny whoever you are." Polone said.

"Hey, you called me," Spielberg reminded him.

"Oh, I did, did I?" Polone was getting pissed off now. "Okay, well then... Steven, on behalf of the partners here at United Talent Agency I’d like to take this opportunity to tell you to go fuck yourself." I could hear Polone’s spit hitting the receiver he was so pissed off.

There was a long awkward silence.

"Excuse me?" Spielberg finally said.

"You heard me, dip-shit, go fuck yourself," Polone repeated in agent-like clarity.

"That’s what I thought you said... okay, have a nice day." Spielberg hung up and we followed suit.

I instantly called Eisner’s office again. "Hi, it’s Robert over at Dreamworks. Did a guy claiming to be Gavin Polone call you guys?" I asked.

"Oh yeah. He called impersonating Gavin Polone, but I just told him to fuck off and hung up on him." he said.

"Well something’s going on, because the REAL Gavin Polone just called here and cussed out Steven and he was screaming Michael’s name too."

"How do you know it was the real Gavin Polone?" he asked. This was a fair question I thought.

"We track all of our incoming calls by satellite and loop it through a voice spectrometer. Then we run the voice signature through our in-house GPS database. It was definitely Gavin Polone and he was calling from the 3rd floor of the North East corner of UTA," I explained.

"Jesus," he said.

"ILM set it up for us," I explained further.


"Anyway, he was screaming something about ‘driving over to Burbank and doing a flying death kick’ at Michael. I just thought you’d like to know."

"Thanks," he said in a worried tone.

"Steven wants to be updated on this situation, can you call me back if he calls you guys?" I was asking strictly out of professional courtesy.

"Sure, notta problem."

We hung up and I speed-dialed UTA.

"Gavin Polone’s office."

"Steven Spielberg’s office calling for Gavin," I said.

"Look, we’re not buying it, okay? Nice try," Gavin’s assistant sang in a smug, fuck you tone.

"Fine. If you don’t believe me, call us back," I rattled off Dreamworks number and hung up.

We took a coffee break and played back the tapes we had recorded of our earlier conversations. Now it was Aaron’s turn. We called Spielberg’s office first.

"Hi, it’s Jeremy Zimmer, who’s this please?" Aaron asked.

"Robert." Spielberg’s assistant said.

"Robert, Gavin Polone told me you guys won’t take his calls."

"That’s correct."

"Robert, we’ve got a big problem here and I’m trying to do a little damage control."

"Okay," he said only half listening. We could hear him typing in the background.

"Did Gavin contact you today?" Aaron asked.

"Oh, you bet."

"And I’m guessing.... what... there was a little problem?"

The typing stopped. "No, there was a really big problem."

"I see..." Aaron said.

"It just caught Steven off guard, he’s more amazed than anything else," Robert reassured Aaron.

"Look, Robert, there was a grave misunderstanding. Gavin is mortified. You see, he thought it was a prank phone call and well, that’s why he said the things he did -- He’s afraid you guys are going to try to screw up his career."

"We don’t do that here, we make movies," Robert said.

"Well, that’s good to know. But the point is... he’s really really sorry."

"Okay, I’ll pass it on."

"Well, I was kinda wondering if we could just get Steven back on the phone -- for just a second. Gavin would do anything to apologize. He’s sitting right here in my office. It’s very embarrassing for him." Aaron sounded just like a lawyer pleading a case.

"I don’t think that’d be --."

"C’mon, it’ll just take a few seconds then we can put this all behind us."

"Well..." Robert was starting to buckle.

"C’mon -- two seconds," Aaron whined.

"Hold on, I’ll see if I can get his attention."

We held on for a good two or three minutes... finally.


"Seven?" I asked.

"Yes," Spielberg said.

"It’s Gavin."


"About all that stuff I said before...?"

Yes?" Spielberg waited.

"Well I just wanted you to know… I meant every FUCKING WORD OF IT! Oh yeah, and I never thought for a minute E.T. could make a bicycle fly, you sick little monkey!"

There was another long pause. I guess he wanted to make sure I was finished. Then…

"Get some therapy --" CLICK, Steven hung up.

We immediately called Eisner’s office.

"Hello, it’s Gavin Polone, Steven Spielberg is a cruel unforgiving bastard! He’s also a Fuck-Head"

"Look, whoever this is --"

"Oh, you don’t believe me? Call me back at UTA. Spielberg’s a fuck-head – fuck -- head."

We hung-up. Then we called Polone’s office to get things going.

"Gavin Polone’s --"

"Shut your cakehole -- Listen, this is Michael Eisner’s office calling and if your boss ever calls here again we’re gonna have a restraining order put on his ass," I screamed into the receiver.

"Who the hell is this?"

"You know damn good and well who this is, bun boy."

"Fuck you -- don’t call here again!" Polone’s assistant screamed a few more incoherent obscenities and then hung up

We waited a few minutes and called Eisner’s office again.

"Gavin Polone calling--"

"I said don’t call us again!" Eisner’s assistant screamed.

"Oh don’t worry - and while we’re on the subject, why don’t you take those stupid fucking ears off your pinhead and shove them straight up your mousy little poop-shoot!"

Then Aaron called Dreamworks. "Hi, it’s Jason over in Legal affairs here at Paramount -- Uh, I just got this weird phone call."

"Let me guess, Gavin Polone, right?" Robert asked.

"Oh you know about this?"

"Uh - yeah, he called us earlier," Robert said.

"Well he just called here saying that he was now representing Steven Spielberg, and in the future he’d be making all career decisions for him, because, and I’m only quoting him here okay? Remember, I'm quoting... he said… because Steven Spielberg is a fuck-head."

"Yeah, he’s flipped out or else he’s on drugs or something -- I only hope he jumps out his window and does us all a favor," Robert said.

We called Polone’s office again.

"Hi, it’s Army Archard calling Gavin," Aaron said.

"Hold please."

"Army?" Polone said, coming on the phone immediately.

"Hi Gavin, any truth to the rumor you’re calling everyone up and telling them Steven Spielberg is a fuck-head?"

"What? What the? Who the hell is this?" he screamed.

"Army Archard," Aaron said.

"Sure." CLICK -- Polone was gone.

Then of course we called Army Archard at Variety. Archard always answers his own phone.

"Hi, it’s Gavin Polone, I’ve got a hot scoop for you."

"What’s that Gavin?"

"Seven Spielberg’s a fuck-head!" I said.

"What’d you say?" Army asked, not really believing what he just heard with his own ears.

"I said, Steven Spielberg is a FUCK-HEAD. I outta know, I’m representing him now."

"Okay, fine." Army said, not believing a word of this.

"Army, I know what you’re thinking, but I have a very good reason for doing this. Call me back at UTA to confirm this if you think this is a prank call. " I hung up.

About an hour later we called Polone again but his assistant said he had gone into personal management and was no longer with UTA.

© 2003 The twisted humor magazine All Rights Reserved.

I have a gift for Ann Coulter

Seriously, everything that comes out of her mouth is poison. When she isn't calling the widows of 9.11 harpies she's lowering herself to playground naming calling.

At the Conservative Political Action Conference she made this statement:

"I was going to talk about John Edwards but these days, you have to go into rehab if you say the word 'faggot,'" click here to watch

What? Are you serious? I really can't believe she would say something so stupid. Obviously it has been awhile since the last time she opened her mouth to take a shit and it was due time for her to get some press again. Maybe her book didn't do as well as she had hoped, maybe she shouldn't have said the widows of 9.11 "enjoyed" and "profited" from their husbands' deaths.

I think Andrew Sullivan made a really good point saying, "I'm not being an hysteric about Coulter. Republicans, if they are serious about reaching the people they lost in 2006, need to start distancing themselves from her. She's their Michael Moore."

She is a radical, as far off her rocker as possible. Michael Moore may be thought of as a radical liberal but at least the things he says are backed by some facts--and he uses his common sense NOT to kick the American public in their soft spots.

Do you think, maybe if we ignore her she would just disappear?

Wait a tick? YES. YES! If we ignore her she will just go away! Her persona is dependent on her shock factor and after all the crap she has said I'm not shocked anymore. Let her spout her bullshit, it's a free country we have freedom of speech and protecting that right means letting idiots like her say the stupid things she says.

The only benefit of having her around is getting to watch Keith Olbermann put her in her place.