tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-244157922024-02-21T02:02:59.030-08:00Petals in the Dirtkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.comBlogger484125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-43871038949678066432014-05-14T10:51:00.000-07:002014-05-14T10:58:41.536-07:00Strindberg on Character<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://sok.riksarkivet.se/sbl/bilder/ae7f5b6b-3ee4-40c1-88d6-aa824c9036d7_033_00000680_0.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://sok.riksarkivet.se/sbl/bilder/ae7f5b6b-3ee4-40c1-88d6-aa824c9036d7_033_00000680_0.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></div>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #434040; font-size: 15px; line-height: 22.5px; margin-bottom: 1.5rem;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"As for characterization, I have made my people rather “characterless” for the following reasons:<span style="background-color: transparent;"> </span></span></blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #434040; line-height: 22.5px; margin-bottom: 1.5rem;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 15px;">The word </span><em style="box-sizing: border-box; font-size: 15px;">character</em><span style="font-size: 15px;"> has come to mean many things over the course of time. Originally, it must have meant the dominant trait in the soul-complex and was confused with temperament. Later it became the middle-class expression for the automaton, one whose disposition was fixed once and for all or had adapted himself to a particular role in life. </span><b>In a word, someone who had stopped growing was called a character. In contrast the person who continued to develop, the skillful navigator on the river of life, sailing not with sheets belayed, but veering before the wind to luff again, was called characterless</b><span style="font-size: 15px;"> – in a derogatory sense, of course – because he was so difficult to understand, classify, and keep track of. This bourgeois concept of the immobility of the soul was transferred to the stage, which the bourgeoisie has always dominated. There a character became a man who was ready-made; whenever he appeared, he was drunk or comical or sad. The only thing necessary to characterize him was to give him a physical defect – a clubfoot, a wooden leg, a red nose – or have him repeat an expression, such as “that was splendid” or “Barkis is willin’.” This simplified view of human character still survives in the great Moliere. Harpagon is nothing but a miser although he could have been not only a miser but an excellent fancier, or splendid father and good citizen. What is worse is that his “defect” is very advantageous to his son-in-law and daughter, who are his heirs and therefore should not criticize him, even if they have to wait a bit before climbing into bed together. Therefore, I do not believe in simple theatrical characters. And an author’s summary judgments of people – this one is stupid, that one brutal, this one jealous, that one stingy – should be challenged by naturalists, who know how rich the soul-complex is and realize that “vice” has a reverse side closely resembling virtue."</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">From his introduction to "Miss Julie." </span>kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-11809754723732979452013-06-06T18:13:00.001-07:002014-12-25T05:08:35.888-08:00The Writer, The Hustler<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
In all the author evenings I attended for the PEN USA EV Fellowship, the idea that now more than ever the impetus is on the writer to promote their book through blogging, or tweeting, or whoring of some nature, has come up time and time again.</div>
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The idea of hustling your book feels desperate, cheap. If I were truly the writer I think I am, then shouldn't I be able to sell my book based on the merit of its writing? And more importantly, if I were a real artist, the accolades or success shouldn't matter.<br />
<br />
They are diametrically opposed forces. The need to write, to be an artist true to oneself and the success needed to sustain your ability to write. If I'm being honest, there is also the sliver (or slice, depending) of ego that craves the fame and fortune of a successful book. In order to be a writer you have to have some ego, and mere existence of that ego means the desire for acclaim. But, if the writer is by nature a creature of ego, then it is also a creature of insecurity. Pride and fear makes the hustle feel like a necessity born from desperation.<br />
<br />
Hustling doesn't start when you write a book, it begins when you start to take yourself seriously as a writer. You're encouraged to go to readings, attend conferences and workshops, make contacts! Contacts will help you get published! Contacts will help you get an agent. I've seen people gain success through these methods but I can't stifle this feeling that success gained this way is ill-gotten. It suggests an achievement won on the back of who you know, not what you wrote.<br />
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But it is still success--if the end result is the same, does it matter how you get there? The answer seems to me that if it matters to you, then it matters. And those people who achieved the goal you're aspiring to, still have to write a book. And if they're going to see any type of acclaim or success they have to write a good book (one would hope).<br />
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Would the literary greats tweet? Or have a blog? Who knows. What I do know is that the true artists can get away with not doing it, and that idea has stuck with me. One author said that tweeting felt like giving away some of yourself for free. Does it take away from the stores of creativity you have? As if creativity were some pool that could some day dry up.<br />
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The people who tweet well seem to have overcome any insecurity that might give them pause before sharing their thoughts or personal details. I have trouble publishing anything into perpetuity (or as long as a tweet lives) that I might regret or feel stupid for writing. I'm not a good enough writer to embue all of my intent in so few words--but I still try, and you can follow me <a href="https://twitter.com/krisserin" target="_blank">@krisserin</a> (see what i did there?). It's basically this feeling, expressed perfectly by Richard Yates in Easter Parade:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLKBYhY4VXiQX2kCiix-SgVlO_Ob1CkUnDdkOcgbelRl5tfUafRpHfEUyHsf3cvyD-KC6TDWIoNgX7LhzQBBO8BTpFavQ_Y-Rbhh_D9LRisdLrL4rFde7Tb64NSsrxdAiqrg_H/s1600/Screen-Shot-2013-06-06-at-5.50.55-PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLKBYhY4VXiQX2kCiix-SgVlO_Ob1CkUnDdkOcgbelRl5tfUafRpHfEUyHsf3cvyD-KC6TDWIoNgX7LhzQBBO8BTpFavQ_Y-Rbhh_D9LRisdLrL4rFde7Tb64NSsrxdAiqrg_H/s400/Screen-Shot-2013-06-06-at-5.50.55-PM.png" height="263" width="400" /></a></div>
<span id="goog_1215362859"></span><span id="goog_1215362860"></span><br />
Readings feel the same way to me. Now, I enjoy reading. I've always been a bit of a ham, and I confess that I'm vain (although taking "<a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=selfie&um=1&ie=UTF-8&hl=en&tbm=isch&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&ei=1DKxUebqAqWJiALwwYCoCw&biw=1152&bih=712&sei=DDOxUZ6fKKKoiQK-m4DICw" target="_blank">selfies</a>" or photos of myself for the pure purpose of a facebook profile picture is something I'm extremely uncomfortable with), but readings are strange things. Writing, unless it is for the sake of performance (plays, slam poetry), is meant to live on the page. And when I stand up in front of a group of people my ego gets in the way. I want to look good. Sound good. Come off well. I want people to admire me and walk away saying, "That Krisserin is AMAZING." I mean, who doesn't? But I hate that the performance (which I enjoy) gets in the way of my words. It's a just a different type of selfie.<br />
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In all truth, these are nice problems to have, but maybe I'm getting older. The hustling, the self-promotion, even this blogarrhea feels self-indulgent, and revealing, and the environment in which we're releasing our work today makes it really hard to be honest. It feels masturbatory at best and like giving up a piece of yourself at its worst.kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-82726698035256432032013-04-23T12:50:00.000-07:002013-04-23T12:54:05.877-07:00On Getting Ahead of Ourselves<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
I was at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books this past weekend. It's at USC now (I miss the times when it was at UCLA, when the walkways were wide and a person felt like they could breathe, but that's not why I'm writing) this big sprawling festival of writers and publishers and agents and editors and mostly desperate people, cramped into narrow walkways, over grassy hills, is a miasma of individuals hoping to find something or someone that can help them along the path to their dreams.<br />
<br />
Anyone who writes, and especially those like me who are aspiring, know that my demographic -- the people who want to become writers -- is a hugely profitable one. People are making money hand-over-fist on the backs of people's greatest hopes in a ways that are exploitive and dirty. And they are successful because writers are a desperate breed of people. Especially aspiring writers, who all seem to be racing for the finish line (this writer included).<br />
<br />
Desperation is an impatient beast. It doesn't have time for hard work, time for classes, time to read, time for revisions, but writing and writing well takes so much hard work, so much time. A serious and aspiring writer friend of mine met another, greener writer and said to me, "I just can't listen to her. I've worked too hard...I just can't." And I totally get what she means. I know what it feels like to have your deepest desire thrown around by other less serious, maybe undeserving, people. <i>How dare they call themselves writers? They haven't worked half as hard as I have. </i><br />
<br />
I met a lot of these people at the Festival of Books. People who wanted to know how YOU could help THEM. <i>Do you want a copy of my book? Will you publish my book? I have my book here if you want to buy a copy? I'm self published. I'm published. I'm looking for an agent. </i>I get the desperation, I have it too, I just hide it better.<br />
<br />
For myself, and for a lot of aspiring writers, I believe the main problem is that we allow our desperation, our hope, to let us get ahead of ourselves. That's why the sight of so many desperate people, all in one place, can be unnerving. I'm going to say something now which might sound a little like hubris, but comes from knowing the fruits of hard work and determination:<br />
<br />
I am not worried about publishing my book. I'm not worried about finding an agent.<br />
<br />
I believe that these things will come to me if I do my best to produce good work. If my book is good, if I've done everything I can to make it the best it will be, it will eventually find a home. I know this because every thing I've achieved so far has been won on the back of hard work. I know this because In the years I've dedicated to becoming a writer I've read a lot of books. A lot of bad books. A lot of crap gets published so why can't my crap get published? It will happen in time If I just put in the work, and that is the main thing I wanted to get across. Impatience breeds laziness. Impatience allows you to settle with good enough. Impatience allows you to be taken advantage of by people who are looking to make money off of your desperation. I believe that if someone is willing to put in the hard work, the rewards will follow.<br />
<br />
It is easy to get ahead of yourself. Especially when you are so close to the finish line, which is why it is important not to think about the rewards. You have to tap into that thing that makes you want to be a writer, the pleasure and self-satisfaction that comes with putting all of yourself into your work. I've been told time and again by published authors that publishing a book will not change your life. So what you have to hold on to is the thing that made you want to write in the first place. Everything else, in the face of that, is empty, fleeting. The work is what is important. The writing is the best part! The satisfaction of taking the time to make craft something filled with beauty and meaning. You can't skip ahead. You have to take your time. You have to roll around in it, enjoy the journey and the success when it comes, will mean so much more.<br />
<br />
A former teacher of mine, Les Plesko, once said he allows himself 15 minutes a day to think about his future greatness, then he gets back to work. It's some of the best advice I've ever received.<br />
<br />
So:<br />
<br />
Get back to work.kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-25176381709842140272013-03-28T12:09:00.003-07:002013-03-29T06:19:54.470-07:00Eartha Kitt on Love and CompromiseI've been obsessing with this clip every since I stumbled upon the GIF of this scene on my new favorite (albeit strange and perverse) blog. I want to memorize her words, her inflections and tone and perform it as many times as I can whenever possible. She's remarkable.<br />
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INTERVIEWER:</div>
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But are you willing to compromise? Within a relationship?</div>
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EARTHA:</div>
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Compromise?</div>
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What is compromising?</div>
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Compromising for what?</div>
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Compromising for what reason?</div>
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To compromise?</div>
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For what?</div>
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To compromise.</div>
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What is compromise?</div>
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INTERVIEWER:</div>
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If a man came into your life, wouldn't you want to compromise?</div>
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EARTHA:</div>
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(raises eyebrows)</div>
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She laughs</div>
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Stupid.</div>
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She laughs again.<br />
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A man comes into my life and I have to compromise? (pause) You must think about that one again.</div>
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An extended laugh, Eartha throws her head back in amusement<br />
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A man comes into my life and you have to compromise? For what? For what? (pause, demanding) For what? A relationship is a relationship that has to be earned! Not to compromise for. <span style="text-align: center;">(pause) </span>And I love relationships I think they're fantastically wonderful I think they're great. I think there's nothing in the world more beautiful than falling in love. <span style="text-align: center;">(pause) </span>But falling in love for the right reasons, falling in love for the right purpose. Falling in love. Falling in love! When you fall in love…what is there to compromise about?<br /><br />
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INTERVIEWER:</div>
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Isn't love a union between two people? Or does Eartha, fall in love with herself?<br />
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EARTHA:</div>
I think, if you were to think about it in terms of analyzing... (beat) Yes. I fall in love with myself, and I want someone to share it with me. (beat) I want someone to share me, with me.</div>
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kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-37835164603677701792013-03-21T12:41:00.000-07:002013-03-21T13:09:40.233-07:00On Idol WorshipThey have everything your bones ache for. You want to consume them. You want them to be your friend. Your mother. Your father. Your lover. You want them to see brillance in you, because their approval is the validation of your entire identity as an artist, writer, human being.<br />
<br />
You think it'd be something to eventually grow out of. But as an artist, or someone with an artistic pursuit, I find myself falling into idol worship all the damn time. I can fall in love in a sentence. Fuck that, I can fall in love over a word so perfectly chosen it feels like it's grabbing me by the spine.<br />
<br />
Then, if you're lucky enough, you get to meet your idols. If you're luckier still, you get to talk to them, take classes with them, learn from them -- the lighthouses of your dreams.<br />
<br />
It is a humbling weakness. I want to be confident in my abilities, in my talent, in the results of the hard work I've put into my reading and writing, without needing the affirmation. I'm terrified people will think I'm a hack, a shitty, talentless writer, or worse yet, a dilettante. I don't want them to see the insecure, approval-seeking wannabe hiding behind my ambition. It is a painful reminder of my immaturity as a writer, as a person.<br />
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Approval seeking is a big part of that fear and the high you get from it is fleeting. It lasts as long as the moment lasts if not just a moment longer before you're aching for the next fix. More affirmation, more approval, special treatment.<br />
<br />
I know enough to understand that gaining approval shouldn't be important. Having something to say is what is important. Putting in the hard work to say it in a way only I could is what is important. But it's still there, sitting in my chest, my pilot light of hope, waiting for you to love me.kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-80607146927635362442013-02-22T12:37:00.000-08:002013-02-23T08:46:33.798-08:00On Finding Inspiration.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
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I looked for
inspiration and when I found it, it looked annoyed. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-indent: .5in;">
“What do you want
from me?” Inspiration said.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“The usual,” I
said. “You know, what everyone wants.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Everyone wants
something different,” Inspiration said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Okay,” I said.
“Give me something sad.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Something sad? I
can do that.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Inspiration
changed into the shape of my old dog. She wagged her tail at me the way she
used to when I came home from school. I thought of the last time I saw her and
felt sick.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“That’s too sad,”
I said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-indent: .5in;">
Inspiration
changed back. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-indent: .5in;">
“You want
something happier?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-indent: .5in;">
“Happy is boring,”
I said. “Give me something different.” Then I had a thought. “Show me what
inspires you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-indent: .5in;">
“What inspires me…”
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Inspiration
changed into a scene. A quiet morning, or maybe it was night, one small lamp
glowing on a desk, and a person writing in a notebook.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-indent: .5in;">
I watched the
scene for a moment. The person wiped their eyes, drank from a cup, and
continued to write.<o:p></o:p></div>
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“What is it?” I
asked the tableau. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; text-indent: .5in;">
“It’s Dedication,”
Inspiration said. “It’s Discipline. It’s you.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-84183828296935629692013-02-08T10:54:00.002-08:002013-02-08T10:54:41.780-08:00When I think of Los Angeles<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.fashiongrapher.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/1201_julius-shulman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" src="http://www.fashiongrapher.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/1201_julius-shulman.jpg" width="440" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Julius Shulman</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />I don't think of traffic, or smog, or Hollywood or the vain and vapid people who make the city intolerable at times.<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I think of the mountains and the desert and the orange trees of the San Gabriel Valley and the way they blossom and fill the night air with a magically sweet smell.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUk1exk-bQIFQCKsApEeCW4CGFXAX-gFCVB37zQJ__htxQ_CLgy-nX4mcXd0zrth2Itb7B-BLr9jroOIbR08Ot3rlnhx7HzzSxEQ5LEUm-4yI_cz4RSbMDmJVV5UgGRFrQSx0Y/s1600/464618_2775695711131_474545474_o.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="219" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgUk1exk-bQIFQCKsApEeCW4CGFXAX-gFCVB37zQJ__htxQ_CLgy-nX4mcXd0zrth2Itb7B-BLr9jroOIbR08Ot3rlnhx7HzzSxEQ5LEUm-4yI_cz4RSbMDmJVV5UgGRFrQSx0Y/s320/464618_2775695711131_474545474_o.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Me and my friend Bando in Apple Valley</span></td></tr>
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I think of what it must have been like in 1920 when my great grandparents came here from Oklahoma and Indiana. Or what it was like when my Mom moved to El Monte in the late 50's from Minnesota and before that from the Philippines. I imagine my Dad with his chin length hair seeing the Doors play in West Covina, driving around with his windows rolled down blasting rock and roll when it was in it's prime.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc5-RG-rhw8uwZx7iFRA7EIKmLGaK1Txjx-ShF_WBbAL7somYFkkBnj4HL5CfYWTDhlpnEOtXdzDEYWqqbBdy-hSLwo4W1RJMnSttgiqc2PoqW5-zskjxPNcMQ7zKWW-8Q8FgF/s1600/227007_1703624270015_3416685_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc5-RG-rhw8uwZx7iFRA7EIKmLGaK1Txjx-ShF_WBbAL7somYFkkBnj4HL5CfYWTDhlpnEOtXdzDEYWqqbBdy-hSLwo4W1RJMnSttgiqc2PoqW5-zskjxPNcMQ7zKWW-8Q8FgF/s320/227007_1703624270015_3416685_n.jpg" width="272" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">That's my Dad second from the right (What a stud), <br />with my Uncle Richard, Aunt Debby and Uncle Danny at the Grand Canyon.</span></td></tr>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
I think of a town of limitless opportunities and unparalleled diversity. I think of home and the people that inspire with their suffering and their success. Los Angeles isn't a town for the soft-palmed and fearful. It's a place that awards the confident and adventurous. The outside world might look at us and see wannabes and coteries but I see hardworking people. People who have to push themselves everyday.</div>
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<br /></div>
kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-77158170128206749862013-02-04T16:34:00.001-08:002013-02-08T10:38:20.460-08:00Emerging Voices Welcome Party<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga3CSUkEvac1iJ4xlApydyAMVdWq-bDyf5BQvNq3XljFXqSx_omlGfIx0sVT925GjvTX_2GBpMwVVjbzSuoJAioHR9h19secJmNobta6nwJ3b1QX9hkYANq4GMtLIdpA3Lx56Z/s1600/778700_594745303873603_1075170654_o.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEga3CSUkEvac1iJ4xlApydyAMVdWq-bDyf5BQvNq3XljFXqSx_omlGfIx0sVT925GjvTX_2GBpMwVVjbzSuoJAioHR9h19secJmNobta6nwJ3b1QX9hkYANq4GMtLIdpA3Lx56Z/s400/778700_594745303873603_1075170654_o.jpeg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Left to right: </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Kima Jones, Krisserin Canary (Me! Duh),</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">January 27, 2013 PEN Center
USA threw a party to celebrate the 2013 Emerging Voices Fellows. Thank you so
much to everyone who came out. For those of you who weren't able to make
it--I've pasted the excerpt I read from "The Incredible Gustafson Women,"
below. Thank you again to everyone for your love and support. It means
everything.</span>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4CdzAdorKGY6sZRGRQIYtCd_qU9WP6seX-29wN_zoCMxcGJPvsfp6LVcPoQcQlHleGyzj1ddmN3XD6Q_6e-ZzWh-JJgtjok40Et_HI_hZzY6IaPwtutnKLZ9_uIo_A162C-uW/s1600/197528_594743480540452_1661512177_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><img border="0" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4CdzAdorKGY6sZRGRQIYtCd_qU9WP6seX-29wN_zoCMxcGJPvsfp6LVcPoQcQlHleGyzj1ddmN3XD6Q_6e-ZzWh-JJgtjok40Et_HI_hZzY6IaPwtutnKLZ9_uIo_A162C-uW/s400/197528_594743480540452_1661512177_n.jpg" width="400" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Photo by Casey Curry.</span></td></tr>
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<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica;">An excerpt from my
novel-on-progress, The Incredible Gustafson Women:</span></i><span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"BOOBS!"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Saying the word seemed to
form their mouth into the very shape the boob was intended for--pursed, ready
to suckle.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"BOOBS!" They
said again, pointing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">The three boys, Buddy,
Matthew and Ronald, had been her friends since as long as she could remember
playing in the fields, but age had brought something between them, it brought
Margaret's breasts.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Margaret Gustafson
descended from a long line of Danish women, whose colossal bosoms were made to
nurse the strongest of Viking men. At 12, what Margaret had developed were only
a wink of what was to come, but on seeing the sprouting of those little buds,
her mother drove her down to the store and bought her the itchiest, scratchiest
bra they had to offer. It was white, cotton with stitched-cups, that fit tight
around her chest and pushed what little Margaret had up towards her neck. The
edges, trimmed with lace, left red outlines on her chest and underarms. It was
a torture device, created to punish the wearer. Margaret was convinced that if
Eve had known that this would have been a consequence of the fall of man, she
would have changed her mind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"> "What do they
feel like?" One of the boys asked.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"They feel like
normal," Margaret said. She was sick of her anatomy being the topic of
conversation. She wanted to talk about baseball or hidden treasure, but
Margaret's developing chest was too new, too exciting. She'd taken to removing
her bra and sticking it in the back pocket of her jeans before she went out to
play, but its absence<u> </u>only made her breasts more noticeable. They
stood up like toothpicks propped underneath her shirt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Margaret hated the idea
that she was turning into something different from the only friends she'd ever
had. She didn't want to be like Maude and Mary, her older sisters who were
obsessed with boys and bleaching their mustaches. She wanted to be out in the
world--running, playing, dancing, and most definitely not growing boobs.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;"> "I want to cut
them off!" She wailed to her mother, after a particularly embarrassing
day.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"They're just
interested because it's different. They'll give up caring soon enough,"
her mother said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">The next day the boys were
sitting in their usual spot playing cards, in the remains of the old burnt-out
barn at the end of Margaret's road. The cards were Matthew's; lifted from a
secret box his older brother kept under his bed. They had pictures of naked
women, their top halves twisted to show pink nipples, joyfully erect.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Margaret had seen the cards
before, and before they never harbored much interest, but now she couldn't help
but to look and compare.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"This one's got huge
titties. Look!" said Matthew.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">He turned to the next card.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"She's my
favorite," said Buddy, pointing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"Why are her nipples
brown?" Margaret said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"What color are your
nips, Margaret?" asked Buddy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"None of your damn
business," Margaret said. "I don't know why you guys care so much.
They're just boobs. Your mom has them."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"Not like these she
don't," said Matthew.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"If it's not such a
big deal, why don't you let us see 'em?" said Ronald.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"It's not a big
deal!" said Margaret. She didn't want them to think she cared. She didn't
want them to think she was different.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"Can we touch
them?" said Matthew.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"If I let you, just
once, will you leave me alone?"<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">They unanimously agreed
that they would.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">So in the dark, cold,
burnt-out barn, Margaret Gustafson took off her top; she turned to face the
three boys, her childhood friends, bare-chested.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Buddy was the first one to
reach out. He put his hand under her right breast and lifted it up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"They're smaller than
I thought," he said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"They're still
growing!" she said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"They’ll get bigger,”
Matthew said. “Have you seen Mrs. Gustafson?” He reached out and poked at her
nipple, pushing it down into her chest.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"Careful!" she said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"Why is one bigger
than the other?" Ronald said. He reached out and pinched her left nipple,
while Buddy, whose hand hadn't moved from below her right breast, began to slap
it lightly back and forth.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">"Look! Her nips are
getting hard!" Buddy said.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">She didn't think that it
would have bothered her to have other people touch her there, because until
that day they had existed separate from Margaret. They were not a part of her,
they just happened to be attached to her, like a tick or a barnacle. A parasite
growing larger and larger each day, sucking a little bit more pride away from
our girl. But now that they were under attack by the careless hands of these
boys, she finally felt that they <i>did</i> belonged to her. The
shock of nerves and pumping blood vessels exploded all the way down to her
stomach, and she didn't like how it made her feel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">It was a hard pinch from
Ronald that finally turned the switch. Margaret reeled back and punched him
hard, right in the face, her fist drawing blood from his split cheek. A
transference of pain, of hurt.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">Margaret ran. She ran out
of that barn all the way back to her house, her two hands cupped over her chest
to protect herself. She was able to escape upstairs to her room without anyone
seeing her, and once alone, she took the opportunity to look in the mirror. She
imagined she was going to see bruises or marks where the boys had touched her,
but there was no sign left behind.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica;">She felt them. They were
sore, and she wondered if it was from the fondling or because they were growing
that they hurt; that she hurt. She put on her bra, and her shirt, and she was
sad--sad that, despite wanting to run and play and dance and be a kid, her body
had decided it was time to grow up.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment--><span style="font-family: Helvetica;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-6553385600992470312012-12-29T11:34:00.001-08:002012-12-29T11:34:15.243-08:00Not so happy holidaysI loved Christmas growing up. The music, the tree, the presents. It was the time of year I got to cuddle up in warm flannel pajamas, and chase my brothers around the house.<br />
<br />
Christmas is magical for children, and as you get older, year-by-year, the magic slowly fades away. Christmas becomes a chore.<br />
<br />
As an adult I still want the magical Christmas that I had as a child, but unless you have children of your own there is no real way to reenact what you experienced growing up. Then there are other people who never had magical Christmases, or maybe they had too few. This time of year looms heavy in their heart because they know not to expect anything. Maybe they never celebrated Christmas, and going to school after the holidays meant having to explain that you didn't get any presents, that you didn't get the newest toy or backpack or lunch pail.<br /><br />Then there are those, like my Mother-in-law, who don't get to have Christmas with their family. And others who are experiencing their first Christmas since losing someone important in their lives. There is a reason that the holiday season brings with it so much pain and sadness -- the memories of our childhood Christmas that haunt us.<br /><br />Maybe its the fact that I'm unemployed, and I was unable to participate as enthusiastically in the buying and giving this year. Maybe its the fact that I'm seeing the unhappiness of the people around me, or feeling it myself. Maybe its because I've grown up and realized that these holidays are a little too manufactured, a little too forced, but Christmas has lost its magic for me.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkFf3UyGcLpJ6EG-Iidz7KrYWRiZ3qbeNRxRvmII7991GYqC1K88Y90qqa83B_YdX1UWnsGzIoKkRZJIRlIlfioPaP5brj-YYH2eNTzDddruM5tUCJNODmlRr9hS-RQNjngouw/s1600/IMAG0271-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkFf3UyGcLpJ6EG-Iidz7KrYWRiZ3qbeNRxRvmII7991GYqC1K88Y90qqa83B_YdX1UWnsGzIoKkRZJIRlIlfioPaP5brj-YYH2eNTzDddruM5tUCJNODmlRr9hS-RQNjngouw/s640/IMAG0271-1.jpg" width="360" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This year's Christmas tree. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I saw a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBHMwB3x2ho" target="_blank">video from Jay Smooth</a> that really echoed how I feel about the holidays, and the pressure and stress it can put on people, and I've come to realize that it isn't healthy building up the expectations of a holiday.<br /><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/JBHMwB3x2ho?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br /></div>
<br />And at the same time I saw my friend <a href="http://www.nannersp.com/2012/11/adventures-with-buddy.html" target="_blank">Nanette share her daily elf on a shelf pictures</a>, and I know that it is something that her daughter will remember her entire life.<br /><br />So it's a conundrum. Do you give your children the magical Christmas you had growing up, knowing that there is a large chance of them having seasonal depression as an adult? Or do you try to communicate a more realistic version of the holidays? I think that is the key--finding a way to show them while they are young, that not everyone gets to have a happy holiday. Maybe through volunteering, or donating. I can tell you right now it is not through the exorbitant buying of crappy toys and games.<br /><br />It's not our parent's faults that they wanted to give us a good holiday. I will always cherish those Christmases past. But maybe it's time to reevaluate how we celebrate these holidays, and find a way forward that doesn't include buying into the industry built around mass consumption and black Fridays and malls being open 24 hours. Because after it is all over Christmas is just a dead tree disposed unceremoniously on the sidewalk, and nothing about us changes except the balance in our bank accounts.<br /><br />
-----------<br />
<br />
After reading through the above a couple times I realize how depressing all this sounds. I would like to say that I had a good Christmas, despite everything I said above. I was able to buy thoughtful, inexpensive gifts for my loved-ones. I wrote 43 Christmas cards to friends and family all over the country. I'm extremely grateful, and I guess, I just wanted to acknowledge the same way Jay did that there are others who experience sadness and pain on the holiday season. I wanted to acknowledge them and say it's okay to have a shitty holiday, and that you're not alone.<br />
kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-16943227500755840432012-12-24T04:09:00.001-08:002012-12-24T04:09:47.462-08:00Being patient in suffering
<br />
<div class="p1">
More thoughts on unemployment.</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
When you're a child you can't wait to grow up. You want to be able to do whatever you want without your parents correcting or controlling you. But what children don't understand about being an adult and making your own decisions is that liberty means you have to find your own way without a safety net. As an adult, reprimands and punishments no longer come in the form of time outs and groundings--they come as traffic violations, DUIs, pregnancies, illness, jail and death. Uplifting, right?</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
So in order to protect yourself from life's injustices you get a job. You compromise. You do something that isn't important to you so that you can collect a paycheck, pay rent, buy things. And if feels like you live your day-to-day as an investment in your future. You invest your money for retirement. You plan your children's lives in order to give them a successful life. You live to benefit other people. You live for another time.</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
I've been in such a hurry for so long--sprinting towards my goals wanting more money, more accomplishments, more of everything. I'm finally coming to realize that the wanting has brought me to a place of dissatisfaction. If I'm always looking ahead to what I don't have, I'm not looking around to appreciate what I do have. </div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
I have a luxury that many others who are without work do not--I have savings, and a husband with an income that provides us with enough for now. I'm collecting unemployment which also helps. So I'm not going to compromise on my next job. While interviewing I'm going make sure that the company is the right fit for me instead of only thinking about selling myself to them. I'm not worried about finding a job, I know it will come.</div>
<div class="p2">
<br /></div>
<div class="p1">
So my goal for the remainder of my unemployment, and really something I hope to do going forward is to slow down. I want to take time to do things mindfully, and to let the passion and eagerness and ambition that sparks white-hot inside me settle into a slow, sustaining burn. I'm going to take the time that I so willing shucked away as a child right now. I believe it will make me a better writer. And my hope is that it will also make me a happier person.</div>
kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-26520987824519322672012-10-31T15:38:00.001-07:002012-11-16T11:11:57.249-08:00This is what unemployment looks like<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiMYBt1vMipwOO8gLzGK0FZuEYN_wo_exYvEJTEW1J_Vm5VNB_X6HQiLSjGDcy7hbAK-csF7vb1zqgQO1amIPYiUNSeNAUkt7S0BPpK9k3NBHB12AqnUG130oQQps4Tfq101D_/s1600/IMAG0174.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhiMYBt1vMipwOO8gLzGK0FZuEYN_wo_exYvEJTEW1J_Vm5VNB_X6HQiLSjGDcy7hbAK-csF7vb1zqgQO1amIPYiUNSeNAUkt7S0BPpK9k3NBHB12AqnUG130oQQps4Tfq101D_/s400/IMAG0174.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
You wake up at 10:30 or 11 or even 12 and you feel guilty about it. You have a cup of coffee and you look at job postings but there is nothing new from yesterday. You check your email, you check Facebook, you try and IM friends with jobs and get impatient when they don't respond promptly cause they have actual "work" to do. You tell your friends you are bored and they tell you they are jealous and you feel guilty for bothering them at work. You sit down and re-read what you wrote yesterday and you hate it, but you try not to get discouraged. You read "The Savage Detectives" by Roberto Bolano and pretend you can tell why people think he's a genius. You read "The Savage Detectives" by Robert Bolano so you can impress people by saying you're reading Roberto Bolano. Most of your friends have no idea who Roberto Bolano is so it's just a waste of time.<br />
<br />
You think about going to a cafe to write but that would include having to buy something to drink or eat. Buying anything makes you feel guilty because your bank account doesn't refresh the way it used to every month. Instead you stay home and eat sandwiches and cheese and you don't eat salad because you are lazy. You feel guilty about not eating salad. You want to exercise but before you exercise you have to get some writing done. So you sit down at your computer and surf through three dates of back-dated posts on On No They Didn't. You feel guilty for wasting time. You open up your writing file and start writing and you write a couple pages and it's all shit.<br />
<br />
You have a notification on Facebook. You check the notification. One of your friends is sent you an offer for Southwest airlines. You open the job postings again and you apply to at least three. You find one job posting at a company you really like but they won't even look at your resume because you don't have enough experience. You are in a weird in-between world of over and under qualified. You check your email, Obama is asking for $37 dollars. You delete the email. You feel guilty for deleting the email until you get another one in five minutes. You delete that one, too.<br />
<br />
You pet your dog and wonder if she is as bored as you are. You think of taking her to the dog park but you're supposed to be writing so you don't. You laugh when you think back to the times you were in a job you hated, and all you wanted was to quit to stay at home and write. You think about your story again. You love your story but you aren't writing it well. Your thoughts aren't translating down to the page. You're writing a bunch of nonsense and you know you'll eventually edit it all out anyway.<br />
<br />
You think about going somewhere, but then you think about how much gas that trip would take and you stay home. You wait for a reasonable time to turn on the TV. You made a rule that you aren't allowed to watch TV until the late afternoon. You turn on the TV at 4pm and wait for your husband to come home. You watch The Real Housewives of New Jersey, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, The Real Housewives of New York and yesterday's episode of Sons of Anarchy. You knit while you watch these shows. Your husband comes home at seven and you have already spent three hours in front of the television. You are almost done with a really ugly orange scarf. You spend the entire rest of the evening in front of the television. You will stay up until 2AM reading "The Savage Detectives" by Roberto Bolano because despite having no idea where the story is going you can't put it down. You decide there might actually be something to this book. You fall asleep. You will do the same thing tomorrow. You will feel guilty about it.kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-15770785169998011942012-09-13T15:35:00.000-07:002012-09-13T15:35:44.733-07:00Dear Republican Party,<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
You asked me a question—whether or not I thought I was
better off today than four years ago. I’ve thought about it, and I am finally
ready to respond.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
I was born three years into President Reagan’s first term of office, so I’m not
as familiar with the folksy charm that made him into the Republican God he is
today—what I do know of Reagan is “trickle-down” economics. We learned about it
in high school. In college I learned that this economic theory didn’t work—and
as a UCLA student I saw the evidence of its failings in every homeless veteran
wandering outside the gates of the Veteran Center and sleeping in the streets
of Westwood. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Four years ago I was hired to work at an Internet start up
in Santa Monica. I remember seeing 170 open positions under the Online/New
Media category on MediaBistro when I began my job search, where just a year
before that number had hovered around 290 (as I write the number has grown to
484). The opportunities were few and the good opportunities—the kind that grow your career and not make you want to give up on the world,
renounce all worldly possessions, fall of the grid and live on a commune—were
far fewer. This was before LinkedIn became the ultimate source for jobs in the
tech industry. The success of LinkedIn—a social network created for the purpose
of professional networking—should in itself be an indicator of job growth. I
found my new job after some searching, but I found it. This was in July of
2008.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since then I have had a successful career. My salary has
increased 23 percent since 2008, and the startup where I worked went public. I
received stocks as part of my yearly reviews and was lucky enough to leave that
company with some extra money. My 401K is doing well, I’ve invested it in
alternative energy and it continues to grow. I bought a new car, a motorcycle,
a new TV. I’m not saying these things to brag, it is shameful consumerism, but
I’m saying this because four years ago, I was not able to afford any of these
luxuries.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that I am extremely lucky. I was able to go to
college at a good school, a public university, and my parents are helping me
pay for it. I am grateful that I can afford to pay my student loan, which at $40,000
with 7.75% interest costs me $350/month. I am lucky to live in Los Angeles
where the job market is large and diverse. I am also young, which means I was
able to take the low-paying entry-level jobs with technical requirements that
older individuals with more experience would not be considered for, or afford
to take. I say this knowing that both of my parents were unemployed for a large
period of time during the last four years. My father has since gotten a new
job, and my mother is enjoying early retirement—although she complains that her
social security checks are small, “33 years of work and this is what it amounts
to?” I say this with a brother in Las Vegas who lost his construction job and
with another brother who is working as a Real Estate broker in Southern
California and doing really well. I know I am also lucky to be married. My
husband came to the states when he was 19 because opportunities in Bulgaria are
ever shrinking. He came close to being penniless and now has a successful
career, and is taking classes at community college so he can go to a 4-year
school and study computer science. Last year he became a citizen of the United
States and this will be the first time he votes in an election. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Life is easier for us than it is for most people.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So in terms of my career and my income things are indeed
better for me than they were four years ago. But there are things that still
seem completely out of reach, like owning a home. I don’t know how my husband
and I will ever be able to save for a down payment, but we’re trying. We also
want to have children someday soon—and the question, “Can we afford it?” is
something we have to consider.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I want to close by telling you why I was frustrated with
this question in the first place. Asking whether or not people are better off
than they were four years ago, is the same thing as saying the economic crisis could
have been solved in four years. I studied English Literature in college and
openly admit I am not an economist, but I know that repairing and rebuilding
economies of scale takes time. People say that anything worth doing takes time.
I want to publish a book someday—writing a book, and writing a decently good
book takes time. A lot of time. It takes writers years—sometimes decades to
write a book, but these are the books that are loved and revered for
generations after the author’s passing. Creating a good marriage takes time.
Raising a responsible child takes a lot of time and hard work. Fixing a debt
crisis that was created not just in the Bush administration, but with the
deregulation of banks and the crash of the derivatives market, is going to take
time. Asking me if I’m better off than I was four years ago is an appeal to the
impatient, impulsive child inside of me that screams, “I want it now!” You are
assuming that America is made up of Veruca Salts. I don’t believe that to be
true.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know that there are people who responded to that same
question with screams of NO! People who are pulling their hair out, desperate
people who can’t feed their families; people that just want to work. So when
you ask that question you are also playing on their fears and their will to
survive. You ask that question and then propose tax plans that would only make
them poorer and you richer. You tell them you are going to reform welfare when
you know it’s going to make it harder for people—people like them who are not
lazy, and are not freeloading, who want jobs just as badly as they do—to get
help. What you are doing, sirs, is playing of the fears and prejudices of the
people to gain power, and there’s a word for what that makes you—a demagogue. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think the question you should be asking, which is the
question that Fareed Zakaria brought up last week is—Would I be better off in
four years if Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are in office? I have to say I don’t
know much about the specific details of the policies you are proposing—we, the
American people are still waiting for you to tell us—but I do know that giving
the richest 1% a tax cut isn’t going to help. I know that my reproductive
rights would be in jeopardy. I know the people I love won’t be able to marry
because it doesn’t fit in within your religious beliefs. I’m worried what will
happen when you make it easier for people to buy guns. I wonder if my children
will be able to afford to go to college. I fear what would happen if I got
cancer—how I would afford radiation and chemotherapy. If your party was in
office, I couldn’t. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think you didn’t ask this question because you know what the
answer would be. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So now I’m asking you—do you think we’ll be better off four
years from now if you are in office? Take a moment to think about it. If the
honest answer is no then I hope you will reconsider some of your policies. If
it is yes, then I guess we’ll have to see if the American people agree. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I hope you ask me again. Ask me. Not the white, Christian,
neoconservative audience in Tampa bay, Florida. Ask <i>me</i>, or my mother, or my brothers, or my friends who live in St.
Louis and are going to business school. Ask my friend Brandon who is veteran,
or my grandfather who is a retired teacher. Ask people who aren’t planning on
voting for you and then listen. And when you listen if you can’t find
compassion or empathy, then I don’t know what that says about the future of the
leadership of the Republican Party. Because I know Republicans, I have family
members who are registered and vote republican—they’re not bad people. They’re
just like everyone else, and whether you’re a Republican, Democrat,
Libertarian, white, black, brown, yellow, gay, straight, transgendered, young,
old, rich, poor, homeless, disabled, employed, jobless, insured, uninsured and
mentally ill, we are all trying to do the best with what they have. We are all
Americans, even if we don’t vote for you. We all hope for a better future. This
is why President Obama’s message is so powerful. We all need hope. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yours sincerely,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Krisserin Canary <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<!--EndFragment-->kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-14042986338844743432012-08-30T15:53:00.004-07:002012-08-30T15:55:13.476-07:00Sartorialist Inspiration<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://images.thesartorialist.com/thumbnails/2012/08/21610Snow_7529WEB.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://images.thesartorialist.com/thumbnails/2012/08/21610Snow_7529WEB.jpg" width="426" /></a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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She wanted her to see the person she’d become. She wanted to
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<!--EndFragment-->kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-61657045467489102482012-08-16T09:50:00.001-07:002012-08-16T13:29:37.917-07:00I just want you to care<br />
<div style="font-family: arial; font-size: small;">
Hello? Are you there? Can you hear me? It’s hard to tell with this screen separating us. The only way I can communicate with you is by tapping my fingers on this strange plank with small-lettered buttons, or on an even smaller screen using my thumbs. In the future humans will be known as a species that communicated using only their hands.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I’m sure you’re busy. You have a job, things to do, but I’m wondering if you have a second for me. I have something I want to tell you.</div>
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<br /></div>
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No? You’re too busy reading Dlisted? You have a meeting? You’re bidding on something on eBay? That’s okay, I’ll wait.</div>
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…</div>
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Hey! Do you have time for me now?</div>
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Can we talk about the important things? What do you mean what important things, <u>the</u> important things. Let’s talk about politics. You’re not political? What does that mean? I don’t want to get sanctimonious on you but it’s important, you know? You have to know what’s going on. You can’t just condemn your right-wing cousin in Arizona and not be a little concerned about where he is getting his information, or what other less sane people will do with it.</div>
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Have you seen the news? There was another shooting. No, not Aurora, I’m talking about Texas A&M. I know it’s tragic and I know your father believes in the 2nd amendment, but do you know the statistics show having a gun in the home is more likely to be used in a homicide, suicide, or unintentional shooting than to be used in self-defense? Do you really think you need to be able to have semi-automatic weapons to protect yourself? Does your Dad think he’s some sort of cowboy? He’s going to have a shoot-out at the O-K Corral?</div>
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I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that about your Dad. Sure we can talk about something else. Did you see the new Batman movie? Every time I’ve gone to see a movie in the past month I’ve had a moment of panic where I think someone is going to come into the theater and start shooting people. I’m being serious. I think about what I would do if it happened. You know what I’d do? I’d climb on top of my husband and pretend to be dead. I’d try to hide under the seats. If I ran, I’d run in zigzags to make it harder for the gunman to shoot me. All of this would be for naught if he had a semi-automatic rifle, though. He could just spray the crowd and we’d all be dead. I think, if something happens to Boyan I want to die too. I wouldn't want to live without him.</div>
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I know. I’m sorry I’m back to that but I can’t help myself. I don’t understand why we can’t talk about this without you getting mad at me. Preachy? You think I’m preachy? I care. It’s important. I care. If that means I’m preachy I guess that’s what I am. I guess I am trying to convert you. You’re my friend and I know you’re smart and I just want you to care. This election is too important not to care.</div>
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You plan on voting for Romney? Why? I don’t understand. You know by voting for Romney you’re voting against your own best interests, right? You do? Okay.</div>
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Then I guess I don’t know what to say. </div>
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Judgmental? I don't want you think I'm judging you. I don't know, maybe I am. I'm sorry. Yea, we can talk about something else. </div>
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It <i>has</i> been really hot recently. Climate change, you know. </div>
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You gotta go? Alright. Are we still on for this weekend? You can't come? That's okay. Another time. We'll talk soon. I hope it's about something important.</div>
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kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-62707458938702545542012-07-22T10:01:00.002-07:002012-07-22T10:01:21.482-07:00Reflecting on Tin House 2012Tin House ended a week ago today. I miss being in lecture, I miss the excitement of hearing new truths about writing, about your friends, and about yourself. I want to keep the dream alive so I thought I'd write a small, not very well-digested recap, and outline some of my favorite things from the workshop, along with a few choice jewels of advice from the faculty.<br /><br />I was rejected in 2009. <span style="background-color: white;">It's a bit shame-making, admitting this past failure, but a writer's success, much like any artist endeavor, is defined by those who can triumph over rejection. I tell you about this rejection, because I want you to know how much it meant to me to be accepted this time; also to let friends who applied and were previously rejected (from anything!) know that success is possible with perseverance. </span><span style="background-color: white;"><br />I labored over my submission, and when I was finally accepted I felt like I had won something. A prize that was bestowed on me not because of luck or chance but because of my hard work. It was, and still is, an incredible feeling. </span><span style="background-color: white;">Tin House always seemed like some far off dream, something that only "real" writers get to experience. I went in with high expectations and they were met and surpassed beyond anything I could have dreamt or imagined.<br /></span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Aimee at her reading.</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><br />I was incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to study with </span><a href="http://www.flammableskirt.com/" style="background-color: white;">Aimee Bender</a><span style="background-color: white;">, who is by far the most generous and kind </span><span style="background-color: white;">teacher</span><span style="background-color: white;">, brilliant and talented writer, I've ever encountered. I read her novel, </span><a href="http://amzn.to/LCWKW8" style="background-color: white;">The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake</a><span style="background-color: white;">, before Tin House and loved it. Since leaving I begun reading her short story collection, </span><a href="http://amzn.to/MqI9gc" style="background-color: white;">The Girl in the Flammable Skirt</a><span style="background-color: white;">, w</span><span style="background-color: white;">hich is filled with magic and sex and humanity and whimsy. I aspire to see the world the way she does.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"> * * *</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One of many cocktail receptions.</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><br />It can be overwhelming. You look around and there are 200+ people, all of them like you, laboring over a blank page or hovering in front of a blank screen. They all aspire to write something honest and true and profound. Being in the Tin House bubble means that you look around and know the most interesting detail of everyone's lives. Everyone you meet is like YOU. They struggle with the same things you do, have dedicated their lives to the same pursuit. </span><br />
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I felt equal parts of accomplished, inspired and intimidated. You can't sit through one lecture or workshop without hearing people say names like John Cheever, Raymond Carver, and Alice Munro, names of people I know I should've known, and will soon know intimately (I promise). You quickly realize there isn't enough time to read everything: the <a href="http://bit.ly/MqIFe6">Tin House reading list is debilitatingly long</a>.<br />
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You listen to Pulitzer prize winner <a href="http://www.tinkerspulitzer.com/">Paul Harding</a> explain "The Jewels of the Cabots," like he fucking wrote it; learn about narration from the wickedly funny and honest <a href="http://www.stevealmondjoy.com/">Steve Almond</a>, listen to Robert Bosworth tell a loving <span style="background-color: white;">loving recollection of how he met his wife Antonya Nelson (and the story of his brother) which almost makes (or does make) you cry, all while teaching us the</span><span style="background-color: white;"> 12 steps to alternative characterization (Tonal dissonance!). You listen to <a href="http://www.anthonydoerr.com/">Tony Doerr</a>'s brilliant talk on story structure (Freytag can suck it basically) and you realize there is so much you don't know. So much you didn't even think to know and you feel humbled. But it's okay, because then you sit in Aimee Bender's lecture on "Useless Rules" and realize that there is a liberating freedom in writing. Writing ultimate celebrates the individual, the unique voice. Suddenly things start to feel better. </span><br />
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Aimee talked about this scale, which reminded me of the last post I wrote on "<a href="http://bit.ly/MMnuyC">The Writing Disease</a>."<br />
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1653727971"><img border="0" height="226" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRfTwP16-6jyWSGLpcy52vhUPNRD5J0YmmQjuw0AjF_7c9VMAWkImPpmXFlZm_kCXvDVOQF_yl1EBvTr3OuWRbAZDrT3-cv5siEFHXpYwTeYmo4zp0dgiyEdJagJXqxOEvXBtw/s400/Screen+Shot+2012-07-20+at+11.32.44+AM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">She said that most writer's go through bouts on either side of this scale, but the healthiest, most productive place to be is slightly left of center. Open and receptive to feedback, but willing to take a risk, to trust your voice and try something new.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br />D.A. Powell's lecture on short poetry was particularly incredible. I could listen to that man <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hw13dzSuuEE">recite his poetry for hours</a>, but that is another story. Finally, I would be remiss if I did not mention Mama Allison (Dorothy Allison that is) and her talk on reading as performance. I do believe she brought the house down. Her talk is an experience I won't soon forget, and her advice on reading and listening to your work is something that will become part of my process from here on out.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br />Here are a few of the best snippets from these lectures that I'd like to share with you:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /><i><b>Aimee Bender </b>from our workshop<b>: </b></i><br />- Where the language feels alive is where the story is. Follow the fire.<br />- Senses are the way humans experience the world.<br />- Avoid details that are just, "following the shoe leather." Neutral details that are not filtered through a narrative voice.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><b><br /><i>Paul Harding </i></b><i>from his lecture on "The Jewels of the Cabots"</i><b style="font-style: italic;">:</b></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- The best story embodies it's own characters.<br />- Stories dictate their own meaning; give instructions on how they should be read.</span><br />
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<i><b>Christopher Beha </b>from his lecture on Sentences<b>:</b></i><br />
- Style is a way of looking at the world.<br />
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<i><b>Matthew Zapruder</b> from his lecture "Useful Poetry"<b>:</b></i><br />
- The stakes are too high to have one word mean something other than what they usually do. How important can what the poet say be -- if they are willing to disguise it?<br />
- Avoid the pressure of the real.<br />
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<i><b>Wells Tower </b>from his lecture on the Grotesque<b>:</b></i><br />
- Using the grotesque to show the darkest parts of humanity without begging for sympathy.<br />
- Investigations of the ordinary must be handled as an investigation of the grotesque which must be handled as an investigation of the mundane.<br />
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<i><b style="background-color: white;">D.A. Powell </b><span style="background-color: white;">from his lecture on short poetry:</span></i><br />
<span style="background-color: white;">- Compression - when a thought that would be ruined by dwelling on it is made graceful by a light and rapid touch.</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white;">- Compression is the first grace of style.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">- Time does the editing for you. It gets ride of the loose parts.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">- Trim away the unhealthy parts to make the tree healthier.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">- Each word must earn its space.</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">From D.A. Powell's lecture on compression.</td></tr>
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<i><b style="background-color: white;">Steve Almond</b><span style="background-color: white;"> from his lecture on Narration:</span></i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">- People like to know they are in a story, that there is a narrator on duty to guide them through. </span><br />
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- The reader knows nothing at word one.</div>
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- Readers want to know where they are and what is important.</div>
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- I want to know enough to feel what is being shown.</div>
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- Effective first person narrators are aware they are telling a story.<br />
- Keep reader abreast of the important details.</div>
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- (Told by Elissa Schappel, repeated by Steve Almond) The flatest character in the novel is usually the writer, acting as a merged narrator.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Steve Almond on Narration. </td></tr>
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<i><b>Robert Boswell </b>from his lecture on Alternative Characterizations:</i></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">- What the characters say reveal who they are. In plays, the actors speak to conceal themselves. Give a character something to say that people do not usually say. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">- Forced choice questions: where the character is given two options and neither is preferable.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;">- Say the hardest thing about your character.</span></div>
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<i><b>Dorothy Allison</b> from her lecture on reading as performance:</i><br />
- Read your work out loud. Record it, and listen to the story. You will hear where it's lagging, where the grammar errors are.<br />
- Performance (and writing) is about risk. Tremendous emotional risk.<br />
- Performance is the perfecting of text.<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicodGD-IB6d7rjZdlm309qhyq8GwHDoBOwYK59J9l768Kp2DMW6FDj_PkAxipYMnTo-MJPm90oA61BCOMBK11YCojac8g6nEUKneQ0HuIPnkOxMVzXqxfweaXcXU_yT3chEi4w/s1600/266141_10101576604588586_1833928451_o.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicodGD-IB6d7rjZdlm309qhyq8GwHDoBOwYK59J9l768Kp2DMW6FDj_PkAxipYMnTo-MJPm90oA61BCOMBK11YCojac8g6nEUKneQ0HuIPnkOxMVzXqxfweaXcXU_yT3chEi4w/s400/266141_10101576604588586_1833928451_o.jpeg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dorothy Allison. I could hear here from all the way in the back.</td></tr>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><i>If any of my Tin House friends have other jewels they gathered from lecture or panels please feel free to share.</i></span></div>
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<center> * * *</center><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><br />The workshops and lectures and readings were incredible, but my favorite part of Tin House was the people I met. Talented people whose names I hope to find printed somewhere, sometime soon. People who I hope to call "friend" for a lifetime.</span><br />
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It is easy to be intimidated by the talented people you meet, especially the faculty, at Tin House. But as my good friend Ron Maclean, author of Night Bus, told me, writing is at least a 10 year apprenticeship. Writing well takes time. The amazing faculty are like individuals who have reached a higher level of nirvana. It's something I feel everyone can inspire to, if they believe they are able. Tin House gave me faith in hard work and perseverance, and it gave me faith in myself.<br />
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I will carry the lessons I learned in my heart, until next year.<br />
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<b>Tin House resources:</b><br /><a href="http://www.tinhouse.com/blog/workshop" target="_blank">About the workshop</a><br /><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/review/list/9370069?shelf=tinhouse-2012-reading-list" target="_blank">Reading list on Good Reads</a><br /><br /><b>Literary Journals and Daily Reads</b><br /><a href="http://therumpus.net/" target="_blank">The Rumpus</a> (subscribe to the daily rumpus)<br /><a href="http://www.themillions.com/" target="_blank">The Millions</a><br /><a href="http://byliner.com/" target="_blank">Byliner</a>kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-76090094996120572012-06-20T15:58:00.002-07:002012-06-20T16:42:28.978-07:00The Writing DiseaseThe definition of our illness, or its chief symptom, seems to be related to bi-polar disorder:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder, historically known as manic-depressive disorder, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes. - <a href="http://bit.ly/NaeRhZ">Wikipedia</a> </blockquote>
We allow ourselves to be consumed by self-doubt. We build a fortress of self hate so high that our only rescue is the opposite in extreme. Ebullient, childish, adoration of our literary genius.<br />
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Do any other professions punish their aspirants so cruelly? Are all artists prone to waves of self hate and delusion of grandeur? <a href="http://bit.ly/LCfC4X">Maybe so</a>.<br />
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Are these symptoms by-products of the writing disease or the fundamental cause? <br />
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I believe if I did not at time think myself brilliant, I may never suppose anything I write worthy enough to put to paper. You have to love your words enough to achieve a temporary blindness of judgment. You must fight away the demons of self-doubt, those slinky, seething creatures whom you befriend in your self-pity rise up to meet you, nay, tear you down in moments of artistic longing. They whisper all the nasty things you've ever told yourself, every painful and seemingly truthful fault that, in a moment of despair, you let foolishly pass your lips. They wait for you to reach the exctasy of inspiration to attack, and their assaults become violent the more you open yourself to the possibility of their being true.<br />
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But there is a way to defeat them.<br />
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Look all your faults. Know them well. Accept them and move on. In doing that you have defeated them. Self-doubt is the scariest, most dangerous adversary you will ever face. It is a poison made of your weakest moments, your darkest fears. If you can see your faults and say, "Yes, but I go on," you have <a href="http://bit.ly/M6B02V">allowed yourself the opportunity to fail</a>, to be imperfect, and try again. Once you've defeated them you will be able to recognize any foe you meet along the path of your journey -- because in their faces you will find the familiar gleam of your own fear, and you will be able to say, "Yes, but I go on," and nothing will stop you.<br />
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Writing is a profession of imperfection. We are not pointe-perfect ballerinas, you can not pitch a no-hitter in the literary world. Our endeavors will always strive for perfection and fall short. There will always be a better word, a more perfect phrase, a more syntactically-sound sentence. Perfect prose is the product of robots. Writers are flesh and blood. Writers are human.<br />
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This humble scribe believes that it is how you break the rules that defines your voice. It is in your failings as a writer that you become a distinct light in the fog. The closer you get to perfection the higher your mastery; of course. But true mastery is knowing the rules well-enough to break them.<br />
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A writer who has learned to manage their disease is the one who can navigate the balance between striving to be technically proficient and being true to themselves. There are no rules when it comes to voice. If it feels right to you, if in your gut you have found the way to express what you are trying to say, than you are right. Authenticity above all things.<br />
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The writing community is a vicious one. Like most people with a disease, we hate the reflection of our faults in others. Don't listen to critics who don't have your best interests in mind. Jealousy is an ugly thing. Find a support circle (writing group, class, workshop) and while receiving feedback listen to the words that sound most true. Listen to what is useful and forget the rest. Don't let fear of what other people say hold you back.<br />
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In my younger more insecure days I convinced myself I wasn't a writer. I thought, "How can I call myself a writer if I'm not published?" I believed I couldn't be a writer until <i>someone else</i>told me I was writer. I was preventing myself from doing what I loved, because of the fear of what other people would think.<br />
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It was a self-fulfilling prophesy. I <u>wasn't</u> a writer. I allowed my own self-doubt to paralyze me from doing the one thing fundamental to all writers; Writing!<br />
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All you have to do to be a writer, is write. All you have to do to write well is practice. All you have to do to be the best possible writer you can be is to allow yourself to fail, to learn from those failures and still say, "Yes, but I go on."<br />
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Be kinder to yourself. Accept your weaknesses, explore them, endeavor to improve. You have to recognize the symptoms of your disease so you can manage them. It's the only way to live with the writing disease. There is no cure.kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-13828994437854796902011-07-01T13:16:00.000-07:002011-07-01T14:56:43.278-07:00Sondre Lerche, After the El ReyI remember when I first heard about him, or read about him rather in <a href="http://www.blackbookmag.com/article/sondre-lerche-gives-us-the-low-down-on-his-new-album/25957">Blackbook Magazine</a>. Then I saw an ad for his new album on Grooveshark. Then I heard his name on KCRW on my way to work in the morning. Kind of frightening how well targeted marketing works.<br /><br />I downloaded the album and liked a few singles, Domino, Living Dangerously, When the River, and when I found out he was playing a small gig at the El Rey I thought, why the hell not?<br /><br />Naively, I went into the show thinking it would be a small affair, but he has an incredibly passionate following. A gaggle of 18-year-old girls and soft, overly-sensitive guys all lined up to hear Sondre and sing along to tracks old and new. After two unique, enthusiastic, and at times painful opening acts Sondre came on stage. It didn't take long to realize his appeal. When you listen to his music you hear the harmony, the honest and haunting voice. But in person it's a totally different story. He has a way on stage, a self-assured sexiness that is both obnoxious and intoxicating. He smiled seductively into the dark theater after playing his opening number, Private Caller, and said, "That's what I'm talking about," or something equally brash. The way he shook his hair, as if he'd studied old reels of John and Paul, makes you think he's been trained. The smarmy back and forth between his band mates made him seem arrogant, but his keen sense of humor made it almost forgivable. I don't want you to think he's all swagger and no substance. He's a talented lyricist, and an even better musician. He has incredible timing, and composition that extends my previous Beatles comparison.<br /><br />Walking away from the show I was equal parts of annoyed and excited. His music is brilliant, but his sex appeal is infuriating. I think that sums it up.<br /><br /><iframe width="400" height="257" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/cx_ZIVrD1i0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><br /><br /><iframe width="400" height="330" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/d7nAXL7UShA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><br /><br />And from his new album:<br /><br /><iframe width="400" height="257" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vSgNKVkeJuM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen=""></iframe><br /><br /><iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/24164628" width="400" height="225" frameborder="0"></iframe><br /><br /><iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/24172040" width="400" height="225" frameborder="0"></iframe>kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-7309354973788186592010-12-17T14:17:00.001-08:002010-12-17T14:26:31.903-08:00I Love Old Books: Boris PasternakI love old books, and was so delighted to learn about abebooks while visiting Professor Braunmuller at UCLA a couple years back.<br /><br />Just recieved this $3 copy of Boris Pasternak's Selected Poems. It's in great condition and has a lovely message written on the inside.<br /><center><br /><a href="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/photo5.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/photo5.jpg" border="0" width="440" /></a><br /><a href="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/photo5.jpg" target="_blank"><span class="Apple-style-span">Click to enlarge</span></a><br /><br /><a href="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/photo4.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/photo4.jpg" border="0" width="440" /></a><br /><span class="Apple-style-span"><a href="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/photo5.jpg" target="_blank">Click to enlarge</a></span></center><br /><br /><span class="Apple-style-span" >The message reads:</span><br /><i><span class="Apple-style-span" >30/5/60<br />Biddy,<br />With my fondest love and the happiest of memories.<br />Dick</span></i>kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-73210161344298346662010-12-08T19:59:00.000-08:002010-12-08T20:03:00.092-08:00These spectacular tights can be yours for just $210<center><img src="http://www.pret-a-beaute.com/Images/Products/Normal/325842_2.jpg"><br /><br /><img src="http://www.pret-a-beaute.com/Images/Products/Normal/325842_3.jpg"><br /><br /><img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/tights.jpg" width="450"><br /><br />Now what did I do with my bedazzler?<br /><br /> <br /><a href="http://www.pret-a-beaute.com/BEBAROQUE-LOURDES-Black-Tights_p-325842.aspx" target=_blank>Bebaroque Lourdes Black Tights</a></center>kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-62843776817110027152010-12-06T18:30:00.000-08:002010-12-06T18:33:25.847-08:00This purse bears my name<center><img src="http://www.blogcdn.com/www.luxist.com/media/2010/10/98252indl.jpg"></center>kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-68217543346342567562010-12-06T17:33:00.000-08:002010-12-06T17:41:48.126-08:00These are the happinesses of my childhood<center><img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/413PBwgRB6L.jpg" /><br /><br /><img src="http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/toaster.jpg" /><br /><br /><img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/71dc5neQCIL_AA1082_.jpg" /><br /><br /><img src="http://www.thealmightyguru.com/Halloween/Culture/Products/Movie-TheWitches.jpg" /><br /><br /><img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/51J7X8SYCRL_SS500_.jpg" /><br /><br /><img src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/512s7Ys0x2L.jpg" /><br /><br /><img src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/7/78/The_man_from_button_willow_movieposter.jpg" /></center>kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-41794011644309081272010-12-06T15:43:00.000-08:002010-12-06T15:57:25.928-08:00Because jewelry makes you sparkle<center><a href="http://goldbugpasadena.com/ria-charisse/ria-charisse-product-14k-gold-bud-ring-with-single-opal" target="_blank"><img src="http://goldbugpasadena.com/jewelry/Ria_Charisse/Ria_Charisse031.jpg" width="450" border="0" /></a><br /><a href="http://goldbugpasadena.com/ria-charisse/ria-charisse-product-14k-gold-bud-ring-with-single-opal" target="_blank">Ria Charisse Opal Ring</a> because every libra needs an opal. It's not a birth stone it's a birth right.<br /><br /><a href="http://goldbugpasadena.com/elizabeth-knight/elizabeth-knight-18-inch-14k-gold-chain-with-sterling-silver-wishbone-pendant" target="_blank"><img src="http://goldbugpasadena.com/jewelry/Elizabeth_Knight/Elizabeth_Knite006.jpg" width="450" border="0" /><br /></a><a href="http://goldbugpasadena.com/elizabeth-knight/elizabeth-knight-18-inch-14k-gold-chain-with-sterling-silver-wishbone-pendant" target="_blank">Elizabeth Knight Wishbone Pendant</a> so you can wear your hopes close to your heart.<br /><br /><a href="http://goldbugpasadena.com/carlos-montanaro/carlos-montanaro-24-inch-8-day-travel-clock-necklace" target="_blank"><br /><img src="http://goldbugpasadena.com/jewelry/Carlos_Montanaro/Carlos_Montanaro014.jpg" width="450" border="0" /></a><div><a href="http://goldbugpasadena.com/carlos-montanaro/carlos-montanaro-24-inch-8-day-travel-clock-necklace" target="_blank"></a><a href="http://goldbugpasadena.com/carlos-montanaro/carlos-montanaro-24-inch-8-day-travel-clock-necklace" target="_blank">Carlos Montanaro Travel Clock Necklace</a> for the time traveler in all of us.</div><br /><br /><a href="http://www.barneys.com/Gatsby-Ring/00469605061081,default,pd.html" target="_blank"><img src="http://blstb.msn.com/i/90/E6F32936ECAD0934DAFEE53B532A.png" border="0" /><br /></a><a href="http://www.barneys.com/Gatsby-Ring/00469605061081,default,pd.html" target="_blank">Finn Gatsby Ring</a>, just because.</center>kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-54917088286341083932010-11-30T15:38:00.000-08:002010-11-30T15:49:36.952-08:00Two die dresses: Anna Sui and Roberto Cavalli<center><a href="http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/158958" target="_blank"><img src="http://cache.net-a-porter.com/images/products/158958/158958_in_l.jpg" /></a></center><br /><a href="http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/158958" target="_blank">Anna Sui's Silk-tulle sequin-embellished dress</a> is the perfect flapper party dress.<br /><br /><center><a href="http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/94217" target="_blank"><img src="http://cache.net-a-porter.com/images/products/94217/94217_fr_l.jpg" /></a></center><br />And <a href="http://www.net-a-porter.com/product/94217" target="_blank">Roberto Cavalli's Leopard-print silk-georgette dress</a> is the Joan Holloway dress of my dreams.kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-17346446972687094142010-09-28T16:33:00.001-07:002010-09-28T17:01:22.074-07:00Prada Spring Summer 2011A beautiful show. The clothes might feel like a mix of hospital and Cuban cigar shop chic, but the set and the music are magical. I feel like I'm sitting at a cafe in Barcelona, watching Matisse's bathers walk up and down the boulevard in the heat of the late afternoon and into the night.<br /><br /><object width="450" height="278"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/EjmazmX-phw?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/EjmazmX-phw?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="450" height="278"></embed></object><br /><br />The shoes are pretty incredible too.<br /><center><br /><img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/shoes4.png"><br /><img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/shoes2.png"><br /><img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/shoes1.png"><br /><img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/shoes3.png"><br /></center><br /><br />There were more, but finding photos of all the ones I love was very hard.kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24415792.post-61792204883004943222010-09-28T12:17:00.000-07:002010-09-28T13:55:47.916-07:00Jaime Mon Carre<img src="http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e352/Kcanary/scarves.png">kehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01663820916584911190noreply@blogger.com0