Saturday, September 23, 2006

Good Morning Boys and Girls

It is a beautiful Saturday morning here is Los Angeles. It’s no longer summer, but not quite yet fall. I'm enjoying a beautiful latte at my favorite neighborhood cafe, Elysee, and a very pregnant, very young woman comes in to have breakfast. She stands in front of the black board menu, dividing the different meals into three categories:

1. The food she can eat
2. The food she can not eat
3. The food she should not eat

It really got me thinking...
I also thought that when you were pregnant you could eat whatever you want. Pickles and ice cream for breakfast, a run to the thai restaurant at 3 in the morning. Anything to satisfy your cravings, anything to keep you happy.

It is not so, below are the lists of food to avoid when pregnant:

1. Raw meat- Sushi, Any undercooked beef, chicken and eggs- all must be cooked thoroughly. If they are frozen they must be completely defrosted before cooked. After they have been defrosted you can not freeze it again.

2. Soft Cheeses- No feta, blue cheese, brie, soft sandwich cheeses

3. Any fish that run a risk of containing mercury or polychlorinated biphenyls including: salmon, tuna, bass or trout. This affects both fresh-water and salt-water fish.

4. No Liver (no problem...eww)

5. No uncooked sprouts

6. Recommends no artificial sweeteners
7. Avoid lunch meat
8. As well as the already known: No alcohol, no tobacco and no caffeine.

So here are the things I would limit my diet to if I was pregnant (which I'm relax)

1. Lots and Lots of Boca Burger, mmmm....boca burgers, boca sausages, and boca chili!

2. No coffee? No way...DECAF Soy lattes mother fuckers! Boyan is making them for me so even with all this shit it will still taste decent.

3. Better'n eggs- Fake egg mix because I would die without my morning egg white
breakfast burritos!

4. BEANS. Lots and lots of mexican food and beans. I'm gonna be gassy anyways might as well make an effort towards it.

5. Rice- si si si, very good, very good.

6. Veggie Bonsai burritos from Wahoo fish taco, very nice, very nice

7. No sushi? SCREW YOU! I'm gonna have sushi-cucumber rolls and edamame!

8. No feta? now that just sucks.

9. FRENCH FRIES!!! I love french fries, they are very nearly my addiction

10. CARROT SOOOOP! I love carrot soup, and tomato soup with basil and rice. Fuck yea!

11. I'm assuming no yogurt, which means no frozen yogurt. So how about some Tofutti CUTIES!!! Tofu ice cream sandwiches. VERY NIICEEEE.

12. Indian food!!! Curry me gusta! Aloo Gobi, which is potatoes and cauliflower in a spicy yellow sauce (yea yea they say no spice i'll get it not sooo spicy). Along with that I'll be eating onion salad, naan bread, veggie saag and lentil dishes. MMm... I ruv indian food.

Geez'um. There are also a number of foods you have to avoid during pregnancy and while breastfeeding in order to avoid the on set of food allergies after birth.

Well, I thought it was pretty interesting. So ladies you better stuff your mouths with as many cheeseburgers, pizza, and as much liquor and nicotine that is possible now!
Unless you want your child to turn out deformed or disabled.
You never know...

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