On a personal note...

What a complete disaster this past two months have been. No matter how much you prepare yourself for the tempestuous life you face as an aspiring writer/editor/journalist nothing can ready you for the past couple months I have endured.

Disappointment both pecuniary and privately, from friends and family—I have learned that though strong I may be in spirit, the damage of alcohol, tobacco, and self-inflicted woe does take its toll on my person.

I do believe that I have finally found a job, one that can foster my bank account to fruition unseen since my departure from Regan- lambasting from Huffington Post, and abdication from WNWN magazine. As assistant editor for iMedia connection I will finally be amongst people of amiable accord and demeanor and I thoroughly look forward to the stability that comes from a forty-hour work week.

These past months have made me recognize how truly blessed I am to have friends who love me, family who supports me and finally a man that will take the brunt of my frustration. A thank you would not suffice in expressing my gratitude to those who have truly been there for me, but my love is always with you and I hope that I can be there for you if you are ever in need.

Boyan told me this morning that he “caught” me dreaming. I had to try to remember if I had been having any late night trysts with Brad Pitt before he expressed his concern with my tightened and flexed muscles and eyes darting back and forth underneath my eye-lids. While he thought I was having a nightmare, my mind had been creating images of danger and delight, of pets and palaces that only exist in the deepest of our imaginations. It may be that my creativity is heightened by my inactivity these past two months, or maybe I have a spirit that always seeks something greater then can be attained in reality, either way it can be describe as an in satiated need to explore the inner layers of my mind through words and ideas. God guide me in the pursuit of expression as I walk down the valley of prepositions, pronouns and plot s. May I be able to elicit in words the beauty of life through it’s intricacies.

Hollywood Propaganda?

If you have yet to see Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, you should try and catch it Monday nights at 10pm on NBC. It’s a great show with some amazing actors (Matthew Perry and Amanda Peet to name just two of a very large and impressive cast) which depicts the struggles of Hollywood heavy hitters—the public's interference in their personal lives, the pressures of network sponsors as well as the social lives of celebrities and producers alike.

It's fun, well written and exciting to watch, but recently I have noticed a few things that have been making my ears perk up with curiosity.

It made me posit the question, "Is Hollywood using propaganda to regain the trust of Christian conservative right?"

I know, Hollywood and Christian Conservatives sounds like a contradiction in terms but hear me out.

The show has begun painting what used to be considered the evil liberal world of Hollywood as just a few people who, sure have made some mistakes in the past but are trying to forge ahead in the name of uncensored media.

Danny Tripp (played by Bradley Whitford) is the executive producer and recovering (recently relapsed) cocaine addict who the audience grows to love for his hard hitting approach to the show and dedication to his best friend, head writer, and all around fuck-up Matt Albie (played by Matthew Perry). Matt Albie and Danny Tripp return to the show after being forced to leave for making controversial criticisms of Bush directly after 9/11 and have returned with new fervor and an interminable desire to make the show better and uncensored in political topics (the show is, by the way, modeled after SNL).

The newly appointed President of the network, Jordan McDeere (Amanda Peet) after entering the show as the bad-ass bitch who bossed around the Network Execs and fostered the growth of the new Studio 60 was in our most recent episode brought back down to reality after an expunged DUI comes back to bite her and is plastered all over the news.

So where is the propaganda? Examine the evidence:

1. A bit called "Crazy Christians" is taken out of the line-up when network execs forcibly pull it, which is the catalyst for the previous executive producer of the show to blow-up on screen resulting in his being fired and Matt and Danny being hired.

2. The same bit is preformed on their homecoming episode despite conflict with the network and their sponsors. What happens? They get great ratings.

3. The two main characters both struggle with substance abuse problems, but we are supposed to put that aside and love them because they have such great personalities (sound familiar?).

4. The News sketch decide to drop a bit which criticizes a high school in a rural town after they pull their performance of Grease (it's too sexual) and decide not to perform the Crucible (it casts Christians in a bad light) because the small town of 4000 people are "Just trying to raise their kids," and "50% of the town works in a bakery which makes bread." Salt of the earth people, and "Why are we making fun of them" etc. bla bla bla.

5. One of the main actresses Harriet Hayes (Sarah Paulson) is criticized for being a born again Christian, and they play on the idea of her spiritual superiority. For example, they are having electricity problems from some sort of natural disaster and they have no idea how to fix the wires which seem to be severed from the power source. So:
Lights are off, "It's just that God loves me and hates you guys,"
"Oh yea prove it,"
Lights go on.

Funny yes, but what are they trying to say?

Inevitably they pull the Christian joke and replace it with a bit about silencers on guns in Minnesota and a bear's reaction to the new law. And yes, it's stupid.

Is Aaron Sorkin trying to say, "Hey, we Hollywood types aren't bad guys, yea we may have made mistakes in the past, yes maybe we poke fun at the president and Christians, but we know when we are wrong and we know when not to go too far."

I'm not quite sure, but it's weird, It freaks me out, and I guess I'm just going to have to tune in to see why this show chooses to be so borderline on issues of religion with the cast and with the jokes they air on "Studio 60."

I love my Bebentze

For all of you who didn't know or hadn't figured it out by noticing the "slight" accent of my fiancee Boyan, yes I am marrying a foreigner.

Within the past week I have commenced my study of Bulgarian, a language as complex and beautiful as a spider web with a alphabet complicated enough to make even the cunning linguist wince with anticipated difficulty. Reading, writing and pronoucing the cyrillic alphabet has proven difficult for me, I even have a big poster board with the alphabet written out in the style of a first grade classroom. But I am truly excited with the idea of being able to speak to my future mother-in-law, even more excited to be able to curse with Boyan in public places.

Never-the-less, I love my fiancee, he is remarkable and so wonderful to me and I thought I should share this with everyone. Yesterday he gave me my birthday present (he says he goes by the orthodox calendar which I know to be not true, but cute anyways) and he got me the wallet I've been drooling over at flax for some time.

Its a long, white leather wallet pressed with alligator imprints and inlayed with pastel, floral asian accents. Truly beautiful.

I am so excited to have him in my life and can't wait to experience all the exciting things to come.

Thank you Boyan. Obichum Te.

He's also incredibly handsome and anyone who has met him can speak of his wonderful character. Aren't I blessed?

China scares me

Let me tell you why...

Besides the fact that millions of American stocks and bonds are now owned by the Chinese government, besides the fact that their population has now been estimated at 1,313,973,713 as of July 2006, and despite the fact that it is now the fastest growing economy in the world—China has insurpassible nationalistic and communist linked robotic citizens who don't seem to care how hard they work to get ahead, nor how their success benefits anyone else but their government.

I admire and fear their work ethic, their ability to work 14 hour days in the fields, sacrifice their entire lives towards a goal of olympic proportions, even their dedication to a culture which has been fostered from a civilization which is now the longest lasting in the history of the world.

Babylon fell, Rome fell, Ancient Greece is only remembered in classical tragedies, but China has remained a mystery to outsiders for centuries and only now do we seem to understand a little bit more into the personalities of the people who have built a country on the sweat of it's citizens and the spirit of their ancient culture.

If you haven't seen Discovery Atlas: China Revealed on the Discovery channel, then you are truly missing out on a beautifully done (maybe overkill on the special effects and over voiced narration, but overall well done) documentary that covers the expanse of china's land and the different groups of people—from northern mongolia, the eastern capital of Beijing, southern rice patties in PingAn and desolate western deserts—from its richest entrepreneurs to it's poorest laborers—it truly captures the heart and soul of China.

The part most frightening was when they showed thousands of boys from ages 4 to 18 practicing syncronised Kung Fu (or WuShu) training at WuShu village. What was a 2000-year-old practice developed by monks for defense and spiritual enlightenment is now used to as training for the army and police. Cut to: hundreds of chinese children in primary school singing the national anthem:

Arise,
Ye who refuse to be slaves!
With our very flesh and blood,
Let us build our new Great Wall!
The peoples of China are in the most critical time,
Everybody must roar his defiance.
Arise! Arise! Arise!
Millions of hearts with one mind,
Brave the enemy's gunfire, March on!
Brave the enemy's gunfire, March on!
March on! March on! On!


Just a tad bit frightening no? Every minute 34 new chinese children are being born, which is 7 million in one year. They say that if the chinese continue to mulitply and consume natural resources that at the rate they are going we would need an entire new planet earth just to support china in 30 years. Which adds to the recent article in New Scientist which stated that if the earth's population does not curb it's consumption of natural resources and continues to over-populate the world, we will need two additional earths to support the population by 2050.

It is just astonishing to me how hard working they are, how self-less they can be and maybe that is what is scary. They have a spirit and national pride unhindered by communist control and unparalleled by any other country on earth.

It is hard to look past these things and see the beautiful side of China, because it truly is astonishing. I hope that with all their progress their ever-increasing influence on the world stage will be beneficial to western nations.



Otherwise I guess we better start learning Chinese. Ni Hao Ma.

Is it just me or...

Do American Apparel ad's look like low budget porn movies circa 1973.

The Evidence:
Exhibit One



















Either that or they are channeling Fiona Apple's video for Criminal.

Note to Dov Charney:

I have much respect for your business, I shop at American Apparel often and am always satisfied with the quality of your product. I also respect your effort of using real people-the people who work for you-in your ad campaigns. I do not however appreciate walking into my neighborhood AA and seeing the pubic hair spilling out of the underwear promoted in your ads. I don't want to see your package nor do I want to look at pictures of young girls spreading their legs open. How does this sell your product may I ask? Is one expected to walk into an american apparel store or see an ad like this and think, wow I really like that crotch, I want to buy those clothes?

I find it highly unlikely. Your advertising makes your very plain products more interesting and are eye-catching, I also know that you can't have class without the ass. but please for our sakes please spare us this.


Sincerely,
k-to the-e

Good Morning Boys and Girls

It is a beautiful Saturday morning here is Los Angeles. It’s no longer summer, but not quite yet fall. I'm enjoying a beautiful latte at my favorite neighborhood cafe, Elysee, and a very pregnant, very young woman comes in to have breakfast. She stands in front of the black board menu, dividing the different meals into three categories:

1. The food she can eat
2. The food she can not eat
3. The food she should not eat

It really got me thinking...
I also thought that when you were pregnant you could eat whatever you want. Pickles and ice cream for breakfast, a run to the thai restaurant at 3 in the morning. Anything to satisfy your cravings, anything to keep you happy.

It is not so, below are the lists of food to avoid when pregnant:

1. Raw meat- Sushi, Any undercooked beef, chicken and eggs- all must be cooked thoroughly. If they are frozen they must be completely defrosted before cooked. After they have been defrosted you can not freeze it again.

2. Soft Cheeses- No feta, blue cheese, brie, soft sandwich cheeses
3. Any fish that run a risk of containing mercury or polychlorinated biphenyls including: salmon, tuna, bass or trout. This affects both fresh-water and salt-water fish.

4. No Liver (no problem...eww)

5. No uncooked sprouts

6. Recommends no artificial sweeteners

7. Avoid lunch meat

8. As well as the already known: No alcohol, no tobacco and no caffeine.
NO FUN!

So here are the things I would limit my diet to if I was pregnant (which I'm not...so relax)

1. Lots and Lots of Boca Burger, mmmm....boca burgers, boca sausages, and boca chili!

2. No coffee? No way...DECAF Soy lattes mother fuckers! Boyan is making them for me so even with all this shit it will still taste decent.

3. Better'n eggs- Fake egg mix because I would die without my morning egg white breakfast burritos!

4. BEANS. Lots and lots of mexican food and beans. I'm gonna be gassy anyways might as well make an effort towards it.

5. Rice- si si si, very good, very good.

6. Veggie Bonsai burritos from Wahoo fish taco, very nice, very nice

7. No sushi? SCREW YOU! I'm gonna have sushi-cucumber rolls and edamame!
8. No feta? now that just sucks.

9. FRENCH FRIES!!! I love french fries, they are very nearly my addiction

10. CARROT SOOOOP! I love carrot soup, and tomato soup with basil and rice. Fuck yea!

11. I'm assuming no yogurt, which means no frozen yogurt. So how about some Tofutti CUTIES!!! Tofu ice cream sandwiches. VERY NIICEEEE.

12. Indian food!!! Curry me gusta! Aloo Gobi, which is potatoes and cauliflower in a spicy yellow sauce (yea yea they say no spice i'll get it not sooo spicy). Along with that I'll be eating onion salad, naan bread, veggie saag and lentil dishes. MMm... I ruv indian food.
Geez'um. There are also a number of foods you have to avoid during pregnancy and while breastfeeding in order to avoid the on set of food allergies after birth.

Well, I thought it was pretty interesting. So ladies you better stuff your mouths with as many cheeseburgers, pizza, and as much liquor and nicotine that is possible now!

Unless you want your child to turn out deformed or disabled.

You never know...

It surprises me

That people are stilling thinking this way and would make the extra effort to post things like this on Craigslist:

Reading some of these remarks on President Bush I can clearly see the difference between Republican remarks and liberals remarks. Nearly every liberal remarks with hate and vengance and use foul language. Republicans appear to be articulate and well thought out in their responses without using hate and foul language. Why is this?

By the way, President Bush is an outstanding president and believe me, I sleep well at night him having the safety of this fine nation at the top of his agenda. I would never sleep with a liberal president as they have zero policy on how to defend this country and fight terrorism.

Here is what I posted in response in addition to emailing the writer directly:

I think many of the people who use "hate and foul language" when discussing the President are expressing their frustration and anger towards the President the only way they know how. Personally I find it incredible that you "sleep well at night" knowing the President is making strides towards safe-guarding what he believes is his "right" to use some of the most barbaric and I would say evil methods of torture—equal to, if not worse then the methods Saddam used in his own prisons—in his fight against "terrorism;" has taken what was a huge surplus in the Clinton era and created a debilitating deficit, and implemented a foreign policy which is soon to turn the entire world against us.

As a republican and a Christian I am appalled with his policies–fiscal, foreign and domestic. His disregard for the constitution and human rights speaks towards a character whose priorities are skewed beyond the means of comprehension and common sense. I'm fearful for what the next two years may bring under his presidency and how far he, Rove, Rumsfield and Cheney are willing abase the country in their pursuit to "protect the country from terrorism"

Why don't you take a look at the pictures from Abu Graib of men whose entire bodies were covered in feces and dragged around naked with dog collars? Or possible peruse wikipedia regarding water boarding and Guantanamo Bay detainees?

Maybe that will help you sleep as well.

If you want to read some well-written republican opinion, why don’t you wander over to Andrew Sullivan’s blog. Or read the letters General Vessy and General Colin Powell recently wrote to Senator McCain regarding article 3 of the Geneva Convention.

Until then, sweet dreams.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you want to take a look at the things I mentioned above see the links below, but warning, they are not for the faint of heart:

Andrew Sullivan
Guantanamo Bay Detainees
Abu Graib
Letter from General Colin Powell to Senator McCain

WANTED:

SMALL BUSINESS WITH YOUNG STAFF:
Heading ventures in: editorial, event planning, politics, art, culture, and fashion industries
Pays well with benefits
Enthusiasm for work a plus
Located in West LA
Looking to hire young professional, recent grad with great resume.

Please send your job postings through divine intervention with job offer following soon after.

I'll be waiting for your call.

Getting myself into trouble again

I have decided by means of severe self-deprecation that I have a large mouth and must censor myself from here on out in order to keep my ass out of trouble. My friends would argue that my bombastic attitude and spunk is the reason why I have endeared myself to them but alas if I am to get anywhere in the business world, for now, I must attempt to proceed with increased decorum and tact.

Unfortunately for me I have suffered for my severity, but no more I say, NO MORE! My friends a new and reformed me is on the way. I will smile when my large work load gets shoved up my ass to make room for more and respond with a smile and "Thank you ma'am may I have another? And can I get you tea while I am at it?"

It is decidedly so.

But do not fret my blogs will be just as explosive as will my foul mouthed tirades continue when I leave the professional atmosphere.

As of 8:30 a.m. (PST) I will be turning in my last college paper. The grand finale of 4.5 years of UCLA education propelling me into a world of the unknown. No more late night Denny's or all nighters in the name of educational enlightenment. The only writing I will be doing will encompass work and recreation. Hopefully I will have the time to do the things I've wanted to do such as go to the gym and write for myself.

As of 8:30 a.m. my Post- baccalaureate life begins. Wish me well, well-wishers. Ciao UCLA.

The Update on PH

So below are the pictures he posted about the party. Of which he reported one line:

"We went to a book launch for the lovely Dita Von Teese and the 10th anniversary party for BPM magazine, finally ending up at the birthday celebration of this lovely fellow named Eugenio."

Which really blows in the world of publicity. You would have hoped he had written a little bit more about the party/book but oh well. Too busy blogging about himself again. By the way he has resorted to using the royal "we" on himself. Told you he was a big queen.

The offenders

The Offenders with the Lovely Dita

Utterly Disapointed

There is one thing that pisses me off more then any other thing in the world. And that one thing is people who take themselves too seriously.

Now for those of you who know me, you know that I absolutely love(d) Perez Hilton

Joanish and I made an appearance at Tacshen for Dita Von Teese's book party and after I had gone out of my way to make sure Perez would be there through the help of my friend in the publicity department, and after much drama regarding his "+1" Mr. PH walked into the party and acted like a big gay ass.

Dialogue between me and PH

Me: Hi Perez, I'm Krisserin (shake hands)
PH: (with flamboyant pitch and near-lisp) Oh, Hi.
Me: I'm really glad you're here, when I heard we were having a party for Dita Von Teese I asked Kristy why you weren't invited because I know how much you love her
PH: Yea well I didnt know it was a book party, (looking around in disgust) its kinda weird, and formal...
Me: I'm a really fan of yours...
PH: Thanks (and exeunt by turning his back on me to look at...the wall 5 feet away from him)

Me: le sad

First of all, I emailed him to tell him I was excited for him to be there and he replied so I figured going up to him and introducing myself would be normal. I was spouting my mouth off to the office with how excited I was bla bla bla. Basically I felt like an idiot.

I'm really disapointed. I wanted him to be funny, I wanted him to be nice, basically I wanted him to be my big fluffy gay panda. Oh well. And he came to the party with Jenna Jameson who couldn't have looked more out of place in a book shop.

So, unfortunately I am beginning my boycott of Perez effective immediately. For someone who bashes celebrities I expected more.

A message for Perez,

You are not a celebrity. You wealth depends on people reading what you have to say about celebrities. Being a celebrity-hanger-on is not cool.

Boo to you.

So the Queen of all Media turned out to just be a big Queen, and so I'm giving him the royal treatment.



p.s. Perez, if you are going to write all over your pictures in Microsoft Paint get a tablet PC for goodness sake.


xoxo
K to the E

College Candy

My article on bicuriousity got published today on CollegeCandy! Take a look:

You've seen them out: The sex-pots wearing short skirts and killer heels, never failing to entertain the men in the crowd with some girl-on-girl action.

Guys cheer them on. Girls look away in disgust.

One might consider such behavior a bit distasteful, no?

But according to Lauren Levin and Lauren Blitzer in their new book, Same Sex in the City, those seemingly attention-hungry girls may be on to something. Levin and Blitzer call their work a "coming out guide" of sorts for lesbian, bisexual and bi-curious women everywhere.

You've heard the myths of women who experiment with their sexuality in college. Maybe you think it's taboo. Maybe you wonder what it would be like to kiss a girl. Or maybe you're just afraid of being branded with a scarlet "L" by your peers. Well, newsflash ladies: New statistics show that there has been a 10-percent increase in college women experimenting with their sexuality over the last 10 years. Whether it be that drunken kiss at the bar or more, women are becoming more curious ... bi-curious, that is.

So ... if it's true that, as Levin and Blitzer put it, "the difference between a straight girl and a gay girl is 4 beers," get out there and see what all the fuss is about.

Or if you want to see it for yourself you can go to: http://www.collegecandy.com/sex.cfm

Because I am a Total Narcissist

I had to write a bio for myself for CollegeCandy.com, and I have to admit I was having problems talking about myself in 3rd person. But after much trial, I prevailed and thought I would share for kicks:

Krisserin Canary has survived four years at UCLA, numerous sorority date-parties, a slew of bad boyfriends, and multiple internships—only to come out kicking with a great job and gorgeous fiancée to boot. When she’s not spouting out advice she enjoys belting out Broadway hits while sitting in traffic, sipping lattes outside Elysee cafe and reading Jane Austen novels whilst fantasizing about the English countryside.

YAY!

What an awful day

Sometimes to escape the day I feel the need to pull my down comforter over my head and slip into dreamland. Which would normally be filled with all sorts of beautiful adventures, but a trip back to Oz last night with Taleen, Ivan and Boyan via Fairuza Balk left me with the same nightmares I had back when I was eight. That movie must be the most frightening child's movie ever created. So creepy.

The bad day was brought on yesterday when I had an awful day at work, accompanied by the fact that I had to walk the dog from hell. I had an enjoyable evening only to be awoken this morning to find out a very important package I had dropped off for my job yesterday was UPS rather then USPS. So I fucked up royally. Bah.

I proceeded to sleep through all my classes but woke up remembering I have to go and walk the dog from hell again.

And my face looks awful.

Bah. My eye hurts and I want a chocolate crossiant.

Another celeb sighting

I never thought I'd say this but thank God for the L.A. Film festival. I saw Mr. Walken taking a stroll down Kinross avenue yesterday. He looked old and weathered but I was happy I got the chance to see him anyways.

-This watch. This watch was on your Daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured and put in a Vietnamese prison camp. Now he knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it'd be confiscated. The way your Daddy looked at it, that watch was your birthright. And he'd be damned if any slopeheads were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hid something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.


Thank you Christopher Walken. Thank you.

Guess who walked into the office...3

Lisa Rinna, of Law & Order and Dancing with the Stars fame. She doesn't look quite so plastic in person.

YOU NEED TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH

This is a shout out for my fav. So you think you can Dance, Dancer Ben. He was voted off last night (because Nigel has a huge boner for dimitry... yuck. quite frankly I think he's an awful dancer, but thats my opinion. and anyone else who has a brain).

This is in memorium for Ben Susak in all his flaming glory. The show won't be the same without you.

The Devil and my new Boss

Yesterday the mood in the office was that of hurried anxiety. Boxes full of books were lifted and re-organized, everything made to be perfectly asthetic with the arrival of the famed women whose office I began working in this week.

Little did I know when I stepped into my new job, an imprint of Harper Collins what I was getting myself into.

The woman who Vanity Fair has called a "foul mouthed tyrant," will be making her first appearance in the office today, and pre-empting her arrival people have already warning me that I will be cursed at and things could be hurled at me in a moment of rage.

So I found myself becoming scared. Scared of a woman who weilded enough power and authority that publications all around the world have blasted her for her outrageousness and drive.

Then I thought, shame on me.

If I go into that office on friday scared of my new boss, afraid of a little cursing and yelling then I have already let her win. Shame on me for thinking less of a woman who people label a bitch and a tyrant. The women quotes Patton and proclaims herself a warrior. She uses everything and anything she can to be successful. Sure she may go too far, but the media goes to far and I shouldn't judge her based on what other people say before I meet her.

I can learn a lot from this women. What works, what can be improved.

I plan to come to work early, stay late, work my ass of and gain some respect from my peers.


A former writer and lover of hers said:
"She is brash, very assertive, extremely demanding, and talks like a man…. But you know what? Sometimes it takes a person like that to get things done."

Sounds a little bit like someone I know. We'll see how this works out.

Guess who walked into the office...

Again I am surprised with a celebrity sighting.




Aint that a blast from the past.
No hand shake this time, oh wells. Fun none the less.

Political Violence

I was really excited to take this class, hoping I would be learning about violence in regards to protests, and south american terrorism- come to find out the focus of the class will be on terrorism experienced by America.

bla.

You know a class is going to be bad when:

1. "There will also be an in-class simulation of a terrorist incident in
which students will play the roles of terrorists, victims, media, and government officials. This will allow students to experience some of the dilemmas that arise for the major participants during a terrorism crisis."

2. Term paper is worth 40% and Final worth 60%

3. "Outside scholarly sources [for the term paper] are NOT Internet or Worldwide Web (WWW) sources"
(seriously who has ever heard of such a thing, no wiki? are you kidding?)

3. There is one required text, and of course, it is written by the Professor.

Why do Poli Sci profs have to be so lame?

The only upside I can see is that his book got good reviews on amazon.com.
Well, here's hoping.