Is it just me or...

Do American Apparel ad's look like low budget porn movies circa 1973.

The Evidence:
Exhibit One



















Either that or they are channeling Fiona Apple's video for Criminal.

Note to Dov Charney:

I have much respect for your business, I shop at American Apparel often and am always satisfied with the quality of your product. I also respect your effort of using real people-the people who work for you-in your ad campaigns. I do not however appreciate walking into my neighborhood AA and seeing the pubic hair spilling out of the underwear promoted in your ads. I don't want to see your package nor do I want to look at pictures of young girls spreading their legs open. How does this sell your product may I ask? Is one expected to walk into an american apparel store or see an ad like this and think, wow I really like that crotch, I want to buy those clothes?

I find it highly unlikely. Your advertising makes your very plain products more interesting and are eye-catching, I also know that you can't have class without the ass. but please for our sakes please spare us this.


Sincerely,
k-to the-e

Good Morning Boys and Girls

It is a beautiful Saturday morning here is Los Angeles. It’s no longer summer, but not quite yet fall. I'm enjoying a beautiful latte at my favorite neighborhood cafe, Elysee, and a very pregnant, very young woman comes in to have breakfast. She stands in front of the black board menu, dividing the different meals into three categories:

1. The food she can eat
2. The food she can not eat
3. The food she should not eat

It really got me thinking...
I also thought that when you were pregnant you could eat whatever you want. Pickles and ice cream for breakfast, a run to the thai restaurant at 3 in the morning. Anything to satisfy your cravings, anything to keep you happy.

It is not so, below are the lists of food to avoid when pregnant:

1. Raw meat- Sushi, Any undercooked beef, chicken and eggs- all must be cooked thoroughly. If they are frozen they must be completely defrosted before cooked. After they have been defrosted you can not freeze it again.

2. Soft Cheeses- No feta, blue cheese, brie, soft sandwich cheeses
3. Any fish that run a risk of containing mercury or polychlorinated biphenyls including: salmon, tuna, bass or trout. This affects both fresh-water and salt-water fish.

4. No Liver (no problem...eww)

5. No uncooked sprouts

6. Recommends no artificial sweeteners

7. Avoid lunch meat

8. As well as the already known: No alcohol, no tobacco and no caffeine.
NO FUN!

So here are the things I would limit my diet to if I was pregnant (which I'm not...so relax)

1. Lots and Lots of Boca Burger, mmmm....boca burgers, boca sausages, and boca chili!

2. No coffee? No way...DECAF Soy lattes mother fuckers! Boyan is making them for me so even with all this shit it will still taste decent.

3. Better'n eggs- Fake egg mix because I would die without my morning egg white breakfast burritos!

4. BEANS. Lots and lots of mexican food and beans. I'm gonna be gassy anyways might as well make an effort towards it.

5. Rice- si si si, very good, very good.

6. Veggie Bonsai burritos from Wahoo fish taco, very nice, very nice

7. No sushi? SCREW YOU! I'm gonna have sushi-cucumber rolls and edamame!
8. No feta? now that just sucks.

9. FRENCH FRIES!!! I love french fries, they are very nearly my addiction

10. CARROT SOOOOP! I love carrot soup, and tomato soup with basil and rice. Fuck yea!

11. I'm assuming no yogurt, which means no frozen yogurt. So how about some Tofutti CUTIES!!! Tofu ice cream sandwiches. VERY NIICEEEE.

12. Indian food!!! Curry me gusta! Aloo Gobi, which is potatoes and cauliflower in a spicy yellow sauce (yea yea they say no spice i'll get it not sooo spicy). Along with that I'll be eating onion salad, naan bread, veggie saag and lentil dishes. MMm... I ruv indian food.
Geez'um. There are also a number of foods you have to avoid during pregnancy and while breastfeeding in order to avoid the on set of food allergies after birth.

Well, I thought it was pretty interesting. So ladies you better stuff your mouths with as many cheeseburgers, pizza, and as much liquor and nicotine that is possible now!

Unless you want your child to turn out deformed or disabled.

You never know...

It surprises me

That people are stilling thinking this way and would make the extra effort to post things like this on Craigslist:

Reading some of these remarks on President Bush I can clearly see the difference between Republican remarks and liberals remarks. Nearly every liberal remarks with hate and vengance and use foul language. Republicans appear to be articulate and well thought out in their responses without using hate and foul language. Why is this?

By the way, President Bush is an outstanding president and believe me, I sleep well at night him having the safety of this fine nation at the top of his agenda. I would never sleep with a liberal president as they have zero policy on how to defend this country and fight terrorism.

Here is what I posted in response in addition to emailing the writer directly:

I think many of the people who use "hate and foul language" when discussing the President are expressing their frustration and anger towards the President the only way they know how. Personally I find it incredible that you "sleep well at night" knowing the President is making strides towards safe-guarding what he believes is his "right" to use some of the most barbaric and I would say evil methods of torture—equal to, if not worse then the methods Saddam used in his own prisons—in his fight against "terrorism;" has taken what was a huge surplus in the Clinton era and created a debilitating deficit, and implemented a foreign policy which is soon to turn the entire world against us.

As a republican and a Christian I am appalled with his policies–fiscal, foreign and domestic. His disregard for the constitution and human rights speaks towards a character whose priorities are skewed beyond the means of comprehension and common sense. I'm fearful for what the next two years may bring under his presidency and how far he, Rove, Rumsfield and Cheney are willing abase the country in their pursuit to "protect the country from terrorism"

Why don't you take a look at the pictures from Abu Graib of men whose entire bodies were covered in feces and dragged around naked with dog collars? Or possible peruse wikipedia regarding water boarding and Guantanamo Bay detainees?

Maybe that will help you sleep as well.

If you want to read some well-written republican opinion, why don’t you wander over to Andrew Sullivan’s blog. Or read the letters General Vessy and General Colin Powell recently wrote to Senator McCain regarding article 3 of the Geneva Convention.

Until then, sweet dreams.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you want to take a look at the things I mentioned above see the links below, but warning, they are not for the faint of heart:

Andrew Sullivan
Guantanamo Bay Detainees
Abu Graib
Letter from General Colin Powell to Senator McCain

WANTED:

SMALL BUSINESS WITH YOUNG STAFF:
Heading ventures in: editorial, event planning, politics, art, culture, and fashion industries
Pays well with benefits
Enthusiasm for work a plus
Located in West LA
Looking to hire young professional, recent grad with great resume.

Please send your job postings through divine intervention with job offer following soon after.

I'll be waiting for your call.

Getting myself into trouble again

I have decided by means of severe self-deprecation that I have a large mouth and must censor myself from here on out in order to keep my ass out of trouble. My friends would argue that my bombastic attitude and spunk is the reason why I have endeared myself to them but alas if I am to get anywhere in the business world, for now, I must attempt to proceed with increased decorum and tact.

Unfortunately for me I have suffered for my severity, but no more I say, NO MORE! My friends a new and reformed me is on the way. I will smile when my large work load gets shoved up my ass to make room for more and respond with a smile and "Thank you ma'am may I have another? And can I get you tea while I am at it?"

It is decidedly so.

But do not fret my blogs will be just as explosive as will my foul mouthed tirades continue when I leave the professional atmosphere.

As of 8:30 a.m. (PST) I will be turning in my last college paper. The grand finale of 4.5 years of UCLA education propelling me into a world of the unknown. No more late night Denny's or all nighters in the name of educational enlightenment. The only writing I will be doing will encompass work and recreation. Hopefully I will have the time to do the things I've wanted to do such as go to the gym and write for myself.

As of 8:30 a.m. my Post- baccalaureate life begins. Wish me well, well-wishers. Ciao UCLA.

The Update on PH

So below are the pictures he posted about the party. Of which he reported one line:

"We went to a book launch for the lovely Dita Von Teese and the 10th anniversary party for BPM magazine, finally ending up at the birthday celebration of this lovely fellow named Eugenio."

Which really blows in the world of publicity. You would have hoped he had written a little bit more about the party/book but oh well. Too busy blogging about himself again. By the way he has resorted to using the royal "we" on himself. Told you he was a big queen.

The offenders

The Offenders with the Lovely Dita

Utterly Disapointed

There is one thing that pisses me off more then any other thing in the world. And that one thing is people who take themselves too seriously.

Now for those of you who know me, you know that I absolutely love(d) Perez Hilton

Joanish and I made an appearance at Tacshen for Dita Von Teese's book party and after I had gone out of my way to make sure Perez would be there through the help of my friend in the publicity department, and after much drama regarding his "+1" Mr. PH walked into the party and acted like a big gay ass.

Dialogue between me and PH

Me: Hi Perez, I'm Krisserin (shake hands)
PH: (with flamboyant pitch and near-lisp) Oh, Hi.
Me: I'm really glad you're here, when I heard we were having a party for Dita Von Teese I asked Kristy why you weren't invited because I know how much you love her
PH: Yea well I didnt know it was a book party, (looking around in disgust) its kinda weird, and formal...
Me: I'm a really fan of yours...
PH: Thanks (and exeunt by turning his back on me to look at...the wall 5 feet away from him)

Me: le sad

First of all, I emailed him to tell him I was excited for him to be there and he replied so I figured going up to him and introducing myself would be normal. I was spouting my mouth off to the office with how excited I was bla bla bla. Basically I felt like an idiot.

I'm really disapointed. I wanted him to be funny, I wanted him to be nice, basically I wanted him to be my big fluffy gay panda. Oh well. And he came to the party with Jenna Jameson who couldn't have looked more out of place in a book shop.

So, unfortunately I am beginning my boycott of Perez effective immediately. For someone who bashes celebrities I expected more.

A message for Perez,

You are not a celebrity. You wealth depends on people reading what you have to say about celebrities. Being a celebrity-hanger-on is not cool.

Boo to you.

So the Queen of all Media turned out to just be a big Queen, and so I'm giving him the royal treatment.



p.s. Perez, if you are going to write all over your pictures in Microsoft Paint get a tablet PC for goodness sake.


xoxo
K to the E

College Candy

My article on bicuriousity got published today on CollegeCandy! Take a look:

You've seen them out: The sex-pots wearing short skirts and killer heels, never failing to entertain the men in the crowd with some girl-on-girl action.

Guys cheer them on. Girls look away in disgust.

One might consider such behavior a bit distasteful, no?

But according to Lauren Levin and Lauren Blitzer in their new book, Same Sex in the City, those seemingly attention-hungry girls may be on to something. Levin and Blitzer call their work a "coming out guide" of sorts for lesbian, bisexual and bi-curious women everywhere.

You've heard the myths of women who experiment with their sexuality in college. Maybe you think it's taboo. Maybe you wonder what it would be like to kiss a girl. Or maybe you're just afraid of being branded with a scarlet "L" by your peers. Well, newsflash ladies: New statistics show that there has been a 10-percent increase in college women experimenting with their sexuality over the last 10 years. Whether it be that drunken kiss at the bar or more, women are becoming more curious ... bi-curious, that is.

So ... if it's true that, as Levin and Blitzer put it, "the difference between a straight girl and a gay girl is 4 beers," get out there and see what all the fuss is about.

Or if you want to see it for yourself you can go to: http://www.collegecandy.com/sex.cfm

Because I am a Total Narcissist

I had to write a bio for myself for CollegeCandy.com, and I have to admit I was having problems talking about myself in 3rd person. But after much trial, I prevailed and thought I would share for kicks:

Krisserin Canary has survived four years at UCLA, numerous sorority date-parties, a slew of bad boyfriends, and multiple internships—only to come out kicking with a great job and gorgeous fiancée to boot. When she’s not spouting out advice she enjoys belting out Broadway hits while sitting in traffic, sipping lattes outside Elysee cafe and reading Jane Austen novels whilst fantasizing about the English countryside.

YAY!

What an awful day

Sometimes to escape the day I feel the need to pull my down comforter over my head and slip into dreamland. Which would normally be filled with all sorts of beautiful adventures, but a trip back to Oz last night with Taleen, Ivan and Boyan via Fairuza Balk left me with the same nightmares I had back when I was eight. That movie must be the most frightening child's movie ever created. So creepy.

The bad day was brought on yesterday when I had an awful day at work, accompanied by the fact that I had to walk the dog from hell. I had an enjoyable evening only to be awoken this morning to find out a very important package I had dropped off for my job yesterday was UPS rather then USPS. So I fucked up royally. Bah.

I proceeded to sleep through all my classes but woke up remembering I have to go and walk the dog from hell again.

And my face looks awful.

Bah. My eye hurts and I want a chocolate crossiant.

Another celeb sighting

I never thought I'd say this but thank God for the L.A. Film festival. I saw Mr. Walken taking a stroll down Kinross avenue yesterday. He looked old and weathered but I was happy I got the chance to see him anyways.

-This watch. This watch was on your Daddy's wrist when he was shot down over Hanoi. He was captured and put in a Vietnamese prison camp. Now he knew if the gooks ever saw the watch it'd be confiscated. The way your Daddy looked at it, that watch was your birthright. And he'd be damned if any slopeheads were gonna put their greasy yella hands on his boy's birthright. So he hid it in the one place he knew he could hid something. His ass. Five long years, he wore this watch up his ass. Then when he died of dysentery, he gave me the watch. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for two years. Then, after seven years, I was sent home to my family. And now, little man, I give the watch to you.


Thank you Christopher Walken. Thank you.

Guess who walked into the office...3

Lisa Rinna, of Law & Order and Dancing with the Stars fame. She doesn't look quite so plastic in person.

YOU NEED TO SHUT YOUR MOUTH

This is a shout out for my fav. So you think you can Dance, Dancer Ben. He was voted off last night (because Nigel has a huge boner for dimitry... yuck. quite frankly I think he's an awful dancer, but thats my opinion. and anyone else who has a brain).

This is in memorium for Ben Susak in all his flaming glory. The show won't be the same without you.

The Devil and my new Boss

Yesterday the mood in the office was that of hurried anxiety. Boxes full of books were lifted and re-organized, everything made to be perfectly asthetic with the arrival of the famed women whose office I began working in this week.

Little did I know when I stepped into my new job, an imprint of Harper Collins what I was getting myself into.

The woman who Vanity Fair has called a "foul mouthed tyrant," will be making her first appearance in the office today, and pre-empting her arrival people have already warning me that I will be cursed at and things could be hurled at me in a moment of rage.

So I found myself becoming scared. Scared of a woman who weilded enough power and authority that publications all around the world have blasted her for her outrageousness and drive.

Then I thought, shame on me.

If I go into that office on friday scared of my new boss, afraid of a little cursing and yelling then I have already let her win. Shame on me for thinking less of a woman who people label a bitch and a tyrant. The women quotes Patton and proclaims herself a warrior. She uses everything and anything she can to be successful. Sure she may go too far, but the media goes to far and I shouldn't judge her based on what other people say before I meet her.

I can learn a lot from this women. What works, what can be improved.

I plan to come to work early, stay late, work my ass of and gain some respect from my peers.


A former writer and lover of hers said:
"She is brash, very assertive, extremely demanding, and talks like a man…. But you know what? Sometimes it takes a person like that to get things done."

Sounds a little bit like someone I know. We'll see how this works out.

Guess who walked into the office...

Again I am surprised with a celebrity sighting.




Aint that a blast from the past.
No hand shake this time, oh wells. Fun none the less.

Political Violence

I was really excited to take this class, hoping I would be learning about violence in regards to protests, and south american terrorism- come to find out the focus of the class will be on terrorism experienced by America.

bla.

You know a class is going to be bad when:

1. "There will also be an in-class simulation of a terrorist incident in
which students will play the roles of terrorists, victims, media, and government officials. This will allow students to experience some of the dilemmas that arise for the major participants during a terrorism crisis."

2. Term paper is worth 40% and Final worth 60%

3. "Outside scholarly sources [for the term paper] are NOT Internet or Worldwide Web (WWW) sources"
(seriously who has ever heard of such a thing, no wiki? are you kidding?)

3. There is one required text, and of course, it is written by the Professor.

Why do Poli Sci profs have to be so lame?

The only upside I can see is that his book got good reviews on amazon.com.
Well, here's hoping.

Update

Well it has been a crazy past two weeks indeed. Interesting things that have happened to me recently are:

1. Got a call from Harper Collins publishing for a job interview at 7:00 a.m. the day of my last final
2. Found out Grandpa was in the Hospital and had to go visit him
3. Finished my internship at LOGO- MTV
4. Walked at the English Departmental Graduation on sunday
5. Interviewed at Harper Collins' Regan Media imprint and got the job (paid internship in flipping awesome office with opportunity for full time job afterwards YAY!)
6. Walked Kjos, a dog that I get paid to walk and got attacked by a dog behind a fence
7. Helped Taleen get Music Editor position at SnMAG, come to find out the new SnMAG offices are in the same building as my new job, just 6 floors down.
8. Spent all day yesterday in a photo shoot for graduation portraits
9. Almost got classes dropped from Late Financial aid payment, had to beg to have them put on hold
10. Lost TiVO remote and life has been in chaos since

And this week so far I have:
1. Start work on Monday at Harper Collins 8:30-5
2. Have to walk Kjos on Monday 5:30-6:30
3. Alexandra's birthday party on Monday 7:00- who knows
4. Start Classes on tuesday
5. Have to figure out loan paper work
6. Cash in my massage gift certificate sometime soon
7. Send announcements (late I know) and print out photos Taleen took

It's a pretty crazy life people.

Anyways, I spent all of yesterday from wake to sleep with Taleen, galavanting around town taking photos which turned out great and will be posted at my earliest convience, and will probably be seen on facebook/myspace much sooner. =)

Tip of the day:
If you have time, head down to Jinky's cafe, locations in Sherman Oaks, WeHo on the sunset trip and 2nd street in Santa Monica. It is open from 7:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. They serve mostly breakfast but have the most amazing omelets.coffee.iced green tea you can imagine, and the prices are affordable. Just don't get the lousiana sausage. It tastes like hot dog.

Dog Sitting- Day Two

Many of you, my imaginary audience may not know this, but as of yesterday I begun house sitting/dog sitting for a family in Brentwood. They have a nice big house with all the amenities (read: I did four loads of laundry yesterday...don't gasp they said I could) and two lovely animals.

Charlie is their Beagle mix. I like to call him Charlie Buttons. I'm not quite sure how old he is, but he can't be that old considering the runs around like a crazy person on amphetamines. He's a sweet guy really. He insists that he sleeps in the bed with me and woke me up bright and early at 7am this morning for his walk. I was forewarned that he was an early riser so I wasn't that upset. Other than that he spends his days obsessing about his tennis ball and licking himself to his own delight. But I swear the dog knows I’m here for him. It’s almost like he is demanding my attention all the time. “Look lady, my owners are paying good money for you to play with me so get your eyes off the T.V. and throw me the ball. Throw me the ball, Throw me the BALL, THROW ME THE BALL!” It translates into something like that. My dog speak is a little rusty.

Pootie is their ancient cat. The damn thing is 15 years old. It's so old that when it meows nothing comes out of its mouth.

My daily duties include watering the plants (all of which are near death), getting their mail, walking and feeding the dog twice a day and enjoying their house watching their house.

I also don’t think you know that I’ve been really sick. Not sick as in, “oh my god I feel like crap there is no possible way I could walk to class. I’ll just have to lie on the couch and watch T.V. all day.” Not that kind of sick, but sick as in, “My head won’t stop pounding, my neck is stiff as fuck, my whole body hurts, my throat is sore, my glands are swollen and I’m coughing up red-ish green-ish mucus, I think I may go to the emergency care.”

Today was the first day I woke up not feeling like death. So I’m a little better off. As you can imagine however, trying to function/entertain a dog in that kind of condition was not fun.

Other than that there is that whole other issue of graduation and stuff, which seems more like impending doom then a celebration of academic achievements. I’m just stoked I'm gonna get some good gifts from my grandparents (they gave me a nice little check at high school graduation. I’m just thrilled to think what I’m gonna get for college graduation. Also consider: I’m graduating ahead [or maybe the same time?] as my older cousin who took the 6 year route, so suffice it to say I’m the star of the family. Scary I know).

I’m excited for a little bonus this summer. I think I deserve it after my slacker stellar performance as college student.

But this whole idea of having to deal with summer classes, ordering cap and gowns, pictures and the lot is making my head spin. I’m just glad I’ll be making some money cause I’m butt poor people.

The people I’m sitting for have their desk set up in front of a window that overlooks their back yard. Their office has perfect light and is awe-inspiring. So hopefully I’ll be feeling better this next week and will be able to get some extra-curricular writing done. Here’s hoping!

Anyways there will be more updates to come so keep checking. Thanks for reading. TTFN!

You'll never believe!

WHO I JUST SHOOK HANDS WITH!

Nick Verreos from Project Runway!!!! If you know me you know I am a huge project runway geek, so this was a special treat for me.


ahh...A Day in the fabulous life of me.

Ok not so much. But still cool none-the-less.

There comes a time...

In every college student's academic life where you just give up. Your brain feels like goop, your body is beaten and fatigued, dragging yourself to class seems impossible and an attempts at exercising your creative muscles makes you want to crawl into a ball and cry.

That time usually comes around 9th week of spring quarter. Which just by coincidence, is now. Imagine that.

As I peruse my usual online haunts and visit friends’ myspace/blog/livejournal(s) I notice darker music, disparaging rants and general burn out all over.

What is it about the end of spring quarter that makes the student body want to commit academic suicide? It may be the fact that finals are two weeks away, or that after 30 weeks of class the brain can't absorb any more useless information. Or maybe it’s the fact that summer is taunting us with its promise of warm beaches and cool beers.

For me its the thought that I'm at the home stretch. Last real quarter of my college career. It's time to start looking for work, looking for a job that will fulfill my dreams and aspirations as well as fill my bank account.

I remember seeing a picture of myself wearing a class of 2006 shirt when I was six years old. It's crazy to think that I'm graduating (I haven't even bought a cap and gown yet, I'm so lazy), but its so anti-climactic knowing that I'm going to be submitting myself to summer school hell just a week after I turn my tassel.

I need a job but can't look for anything full time. I need a vacation but have neither time nor funds to take one. I need to write but am totally uninspired by anything I have been working on.

I think many of us (especially those who are graduating) are finding themselves at this crossroad. It's time to grow up and move on but our college days are still pulling us down. One more class, one more book, one more dollar.

I envy my friends who are doing what I swore I would do after graduation which is moving to New York. I'll be here in LA, taking the last few classes I'm required to take to receive my degree. This truly is the summer of limbo. I'll be at the last end of my college career and the beginning of my true career but not really being completely emerged or able to fully dedicate myself to either.

Many have asked me what I'll be doing after school is all over. I wish I knew.